A Matter of Time
by Silver Black Rose
Summary: Buffy Summers is pretty, popular and successful at UC Sunnydale, but there is something missing. When fate gives her a second chance to rebuild a long lost friendships, will she settle for empty adoration, or will she take a chance...?
1. Before the beginning

**Prologue:**

A/N: This is my first Spuffy fiction and I would love feedback so go on and review. Pretty please? BTW I am an Australian so if I miss a few American college details let me know. Let it be said that I own nothing!

Special thanks is sent to AJ and Fish my beautiful BETA's

Elizabeth Summers, or Buffy as she was renamed by her cheerleading clique was what every high school teen aspired to be. She was pretty, popular, bright and a leader of the school. But Buffy was having the worst week of her life. Her mother and father, in their usual fashion, were leaving for Europe in a week and would miss her high school graduation and senior prom.

She caught Parker, her pathetic excuse for a boyfriend, making out with Darla, the skanky cheerleader from Brookmead High. She had been sour all week even though final exams were over and there were only two weeks left until the class of 2002 left Sunnydale High behind. To top it all off Parker came up to her in the cafeteria and announced that HE was breaking up with HER! If that wasn't bad enough he was taking that cheer-bimbo to THEIR prom. Once the shock wore off her first instinct was to cry but looking around at the pitying looks on Harmony and Cordelia's faces all she could summon was rage.

By final homeroom she was ready to tear apart the next person who made a joke at her expense. She stormed out into the hallway her vision clouded by fury and ran straight into William "Spike" Winters, knocking him to the ground.

"Hey, watch where your going!" She shouted at the slightly dazed bleached blonde who was picking himself up off the ground and dusting off his denim clad rear end, looking none too pleased.

The two had been best friends by age four and stayed that way for years. But during high school their interests changed as Elizabeth became Buffy; pretty, popular and admired while William became Spike; a leather-clad, tough, silent tough guy. Now he was the boy she loved to hate; the annoying, obnoxious antagonistic next-door neighbor with whom she would swap insults and teasing remarks. They were mostly content to ignore each other over the last few years. They were not friends but they were not enemies either.

Spike shook his head 'She's in a bad mood today' he thought. He couldn't really blame her. She was just dumped in front of the entire school. Spike glanced about the empty hall that would soon be filling with teens.

"I heard about jerk face and his pom-pom girl. I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom with me?"

If she hadn't been so enraged from the events of the past week Buffy may have noticed that it was a genuine invitation from a guy who had always been a friend to her. As it was all she saw was the increasing stream of students entering the hall and stopping to see what 'Buffy Summers' was doing talking to Spike of all people.

"Hello? Earth to Buffy! Oh, never mind."

Someone giggled when he turned away from her. That was all it took. It didn't matter if they were laughing at him or at her, Buffy's temper overflowed and she turned on Spike.

"What are you on about? If this is some lame ass joke you have real poor timing and what makes you think I need your pity invitation?" She shouted at him.

Spike was taken back by her outburst but Buffy was running on steam and pride now. For once this week she wanted to finish on top. He made one last attempt at putting a stop to her tirade before he lost his cool too.

"Look, it wasn't a pity invitation. Just forget it." Spike turned to leave slightly embarrassed. If it had been any other girl he would have made a sharp comment and asked someone else but they always said they would go to the prom together and he knew Buffy could be dramatic. Let her have her scene, win back some points with the sheep, what did he care?

"Spike here was just commenting on my unfortunate circumstances and wondering if I would accept him as a consolation prize." Buffy addressed their fellow students in a patronizing voice.

Her words stung more than he cared to admit and his grasp on his own temper failed.

"Bloody hell woman! I am nobody's bleedin' consolation prize! It was a simple question, I thought that was what civilized society called for. My mistake." This was a showdown, if she backed down she would loose her last shred of credibility.

"What would you know about civilized society? You? With your two outfit wardrobe and left-over take-out diet?" The look he gave her was chilling as she warmed up to a very sore topic.

"What would you know about my life Summers? You never have your nose out of the air long enough to notice anything outside your own shallow existence!"

"I know enough to know you probably haven't seen your mother in weeks and if it weren't for the free food and dirty uniforms you wouldn't even know where she worked!" Spike's eyes blackened rage.

"Be careful Elizabeth."

"Or what William?" The last word was said with all the insult that it was intended to be and a few students laughed outright at the unfamiliar name for their denim and leather clad classmate.

"Money doesn't buy you everything does it princess? It doesn't by you love, or friendship and it certainly doesn't buy you the right to sit in judgment over my life!" He said in a low and dangerous tone as he squared his shoulders.

The hall was crowded now and there was no backing down as students from all grades stood around waiting to see how it would end.

"Why you arrogant, self-righteous, ego..."

"Observant, accurate, well informed..." he cut her off as she shoved him slightly effectively silencing him.

"I guess you would know all about greed and weakness wouldn't you?" She paused for only a split second as Spike turned pail and his eyes widened in horror. "You were always one for lecturing from the moral high ground! Maybe that's why your dad took off so quickly...to get the hell away from you. Your trust fund was just a bonus!"

It felt like the entire world fell into silence. Spike looked like she had run a stake through his heart and instantly her previous rage fell like blocks of cement at her feet.

"Spike wait, please. I didn't mean it."

The look on Spike's face was lost somewhere between agony and hatred as he turned and stormed down the corridor towards the student's parking lot. The moment the words left her mouth she regretted them. She used the most deeply hurtful and personal thing she knew about him to score a few cool points. He hadn't even done anything to her.

As she ran after the enraged blonde Cordelia's voice floated by.

"Now that was harsh, even by my standards!"

"What a loser!" Angel declared, laughing heartily. The rest of the football team laughed along.

She caught up to him as he threw open the double doors at the back of the gym. As she reached for his arm he flinched away and something deep inside her began to bend. They weren't close, but she had never been cruel and this went way beyond cruelty. She could see it in his eyes, the raw pain still left from his father's departure, the fresh pain that she alone was responsible for and most terrifying of all the shadow of a vulnerable twelve year old. Who heard every word and was now drowning in the secret fear that she was right and it was all his fault. Hands shaking, she reached out as he took another step towards the car park.

"I'm so sorry! You know your mom loves you more than life itself and your dad...that had nothing to do with you! You know that don't you? Don't you?" The last part came out as a plea more than a question. The look he gave her was so cold it made her shiver despite the warm streams of sunlight.

"Spike, say something." He looked past her then to his group of friends who were only now catching up to them.

"Just go away Elizabeth." She was slowly surrounded by the arrival of Spike's friends. The ones who were normally the butt of many jokes now suddenly looked very intimidating and Buffy was disgusted with herself.

"Go!" Xander and Willow stepped closer softly pushing her away from their friend.

"I think you should just leave him alone" Oz, who hardly ever spoke, added his support.

She didn't know why it hurt so badly, Spike was the one who had been wronged but for some reason she felt more alone than ever.

**Chapter 1:**

Buffy threw her book bag down on her bed. She was in her third year at UC Sunnydale, she was bright, athletic and still one of the most popular cheerleaders on campus. She should be ecstatic, her life should be perfect. To the outside world it appeared that she had everything a young woman could ever hope for.

In truth, she couldn't remember the last time her mother or father had said that they loved her, or anyone for that matter. Though she was popular she was beginning to feel that she had a group of followers rather than friends. Even her boyfriend Angel had become increasingly distant and distracted since the last time she declined his need for physicality, for the fifth time. Elizabeth chose not to think too hard on these deep issues.

The greatest positive influence in Buffy's life was her next-door neighbor Joyce Winters. Joyce was one of the sweetest and most loving people Buffy ever met and she had been much more of a mother to Buffy over the years than Cecily, Buffy's actual mother. Joyce's son however was a different story.

Spike never brought up the fight they had that day at school, they never really spoke much beforehand so it was difficult to tell if he avoided her because of it or not. Buffy knew that she hurt him but he mostly acted like it hadn't happened. A week later Angel had asked her to The Prom and the two had been going out for over two years now.

Almost all of the students from Sunnydale High now attended UC

Sunnydale. It was one of the disadvantages of life in a small town. This meant that although the teachers and classes changed the social order and mob mentality changed very little.

Thinking back on those high school years it was clear that she had been the one to distance herself from Spike. She had allowed those around her to snigger and gossip about him and his friends and even on occasion joined in. In the early years Spike's bad boy style and good looks could have made him equally as popular. In the end he had chosen to hang out with the group now affectionately know as 'The Misfits'.

The group was comprised of what, to the casual observer, would look like one member from each of the other schoolyard social groups. Spike of course was from the big bad tough guys. Xander was from the nobodies. Oz was the silent musician. Willow was the nerdy computer genius. Tara was the quite and shy one. Anya was rich and up front about everything. Angel and his gang had dubbed them 'The Misfits' because they didn't fit in anywhere except when they were together.

The one thing that she envied about Spike more than anything else was his friends. Many times over the years she would come home from a party feeling superficial and empty and hear laughing, talking or teasing banter coming from Spike's living room. It was the sound of closeness and friendship and it drew her in to the point where all she wanted to do was walk up and join in. A small part of her even now believed that if she had done so they would have been kind and friendly because that was the kind of people they were. However, after everything, Buffy had the feeling that she was not quite good enough.

She gave a soft self-pitying laugh at that, all these years her so-called friends had been of the opinion that they were too good for almost everyone and everything. The truth actually being that people like Spike and his friends put them to shame. Buffy shook her head to clear some of the negative thoughts she was having about her wonderful life. It was funny how sitting alone in her empty house always made her reflective.

Regardless of how she acted or what she said, she did miss Spike and the friendship they once shared. Over the years his tight friendship group had grown and he and Buffy drifted further and further apart. Except for the occasional glare or antagonizing remark they seldom spoke. Buffy would often talk to Joyce at the coffee shop however Spike remained a mystery. The boy she once knew oh so well was now a shadow of the man he had become.

On occasion Buffy found herself wondering if his favorite ice cream flavor was still peppermint swirl, or if he still got extra British when he was embarrassed or annoyed. She wondered what his favorite movie was, what his passions and fears were and, even after the horrible things she said, why he danced with her at their senior prom for one slow sweet song before returning to his friends. She apologized once more that night as he wordlessly took her hand and lead her to the dance floor.

"Shut up and dance Summers." was all he said as he smiled at her.

When the song ended he turned around and went back to his friends. Buffy did not allow herself to think about why it meant so much to her or why that one dance with him had been more special than the entire evening with Angel.


	2. chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

As he drove his Desoto out of the University parking lot a couple of the football jerks made cross signs in his direction and then proceeded to fall over themselves with laughter. Bloody Buffy Summers, this was her handy work. When they were sixteen after an argument in which he had called her on her snobby attitude she had called Drusilla, his then girlfriend and fruitcake, and announced in front of half their class that they were both vampires. That one had stuck, hence the latest display proving football players need better padding in their helmet.

In her defense, Dru clearly had problems but in hindsight Spike truly cared for her even though she treated him so badly. He had always been love's bitch, the big bad sitting there while a psycho Goth chick publicly berated him for his apparent failings. Everyone must have known she was sleeping with half the basketball team and most the football players but there was something he saw in her that had him enthralled. No, Dru was a nut and a tramp to boot. Once upon a time Spike would have sworn that he loved Dru. Now he just felt sorry for her. She left a fair amount of damage in her wake and more then her fair share of scares. It was all part of growing up, though he suspected that Dru was an extreme case.

Throwing his keys on the coffee table Spike flopped down on the couch in his empty living room like he did most afternoons. It was like that for more years than he cared to remember. His good for nothing old man walked out on them nearly a decade ago, taking every cent they had. Joyce worked twelve or sometimes sixteen hour shifts at the "Sunny Side Up" Diner. Willy, the owner was an okay guy and the customers were seldom bothersome.

Spike did his fair share and after years of working odd jobs, he was sort of a jack of all trades. He worked at the garage down the street and as an odd jobs handyman. Also, though he kept in under wraps to protect his bad ass reputation Spike worked as a catalogue updater and junior assistant to Mr. Giles the University librarian and Student Advisor.

Rupert Giles was a strange one. He moved from England many years ago but still maintained his British-ness. He was the kind of man that you could miss entirely but once you got to know him he was quite possibly the most knowledgeable man Spike ever met.

Not counting his mother, Spike didn't have much family growing up. There was one uncle, his father's brother, whose entire involvement in

Spike's life consisted of one large payout just after his dad took off. He suspected that it was a guilt payout but it had been enough for them to pay to keep their modest but well loved home. For that much Spike was grateful. For years now Giles had been like a father to him though he was never able to express this in words. It seemed that at emotional times Giles would take to cleaning his glasses and Spike would scuff the floor with the toe of his boots. They were an odd pair, Giles in his tweed and typical librarian attire and Spike in his Billy Idol look topped off with a long leather duster.

Though Joyce and Giles worked hard to hide their growing affection for each other Spike knew it was only a matter of time before they realized they were in love. It could not happen soon enough. They were dating for almost three months on the sly but Spike knew about it. It was about bloody time his Mum had some happiness.

His mother's heart was shattered at the departure of his father. Later she found someone new. Warren moved in for a short time. The guy turned out to be a real wanker. Spike shuddered as his hand instinctively moved to his ribs and the few scars that his chest bore. Shaking his head to clear the memories, Spike focused on happier things. Warren only lived with them for a couple of months before Joyce found out and booted him to the curb. After that she didn't date for a long, long time. The last few months were the happiest he had seen her in years.

Smiling Spike noticed that there was a note on the coffee table trapped under his boots.

_Spike,_

_Working late tonight, there's chicken in the fridge. Eat some vegetables. Crisps and salsa dip will not count young man! And take your feet off my coffee table...I mean it William!_

_Don't wait up, sweet dreams,_

_Love Mom. _

She really amazed him sometimes and though the rebel inside him knew it would be chicken, crisps and salsa for tea, a little voice in his head did make him plant his feet firmly on solid ground.

Deciding to go upstairs to listen to some music, Spike's mind wandered. Tara announced today that she was transferring to UCLA and would be leaving Saturday. They all knew it was coming but it would be sad to see her go. Apparently she became 'close friends' with a girl named Fred. Spike smiled, it was always the quite ones. It was only right that Tara should find someone to look out for her the way she looked out for others. Friday night would be a big send off party for her at his place.

He turned his thoughts to his other friends. Willow, a bright and bubbly red-head and Xander, a clumsy, slightly nerdy but golden-hearted guy were his best friends. He had known them since their first day of high school. They helped him through rough times and he in turn did the same. Now at the tender age of twenty they were likely to be life long friends.

Their second year of school, Anya suddenly stopped sitting with her rich snobby friends and sat down with the three of them in mid conversation. She began her first conversation with them by asking if any of them had lost their virginity yet. Though often extremely embarrassing, Anya's abrupt and direct nature was part of her charm and even though she didn't look it she was loyal and good at keeping a secret.

A few months later Oz, a fairly quite and reserved guy transferred to UC Sunnydale. Though no one except the gang knew, he was only supposed to be staying with his aunt for a couple of weeks while his mom took care of some business. She never came back to get him and he seemed ok with that especially since he and Willow had been dating for almost a year now. In their senior year Tara, the most caring and softest soul Spike ever met moved with her family from Canada and they all became fast friends.

'The Misfits' had been together as a whole for three years now. Last summer Spike found out that he had a little half-sister. Dawn, a bubbly seventeen-year old had quickly been taken under the wings of his friends. Dawn had a quite childhood while her mom had been having an affair with his dad even while he was still with Joyce. After six years he split on them too. When Amy, Dawn's slightly unhinged mother, realized that Spike and his mom existed she moved them to Sunnydale so Dawn could get to know her brother. It had been 'wiggy' as Dawn would say but it turned out they were good together and though neither of them splashed their blood relationship around the two had cultivated genuine affection for each other.

The final and most recent group member was Dawn's boyfriend of four months, Connor O'Neil. Though he reserved the right to hate the kid, he and Spike actually became mates. Connor was friendly and unassuming and he treated Dawn well, unlike his crap-tacular brother, Angel. Ever since that first day years ago when Angel intentionally destroyed Spike's bike and picked on Buffy, Spike hated him. They had been enemies since second grade and though Spike had grown to tolerate his existence, Angel was still a world class creep in expensive clothing with way too much gel in his hair.

Angel's gang of snobs were mean and vindictive. They cheated on each other, stabbed their friends in the back and gossiped without any thought of the feelings they might hurt. Everyone except for Buffy. Even though they had not been friends for years now and the transformation from Elizabeth to Buffy left her bitter and mean Spike still harbored hope that deep down the real Buffy was still there. It was just buried really, really deep.

It was ultimately Buffy's choice to distance herself from Spike. In some ways he couldn't blame her. He knew better than anyone how desperately she wanted to be noticed and to be accepted. She grew up to be a very pretty young girl and won the attention of Angel and his gang. Cordelia and Harmony leached themselves onto her and Elizabeth suddenly began to disappear. He tried a few times to talk to her but she was preoccupied with winning the approval of her so-called friends. It was when she started to share personal details and stories about their childhood in order to fit in better that he stopped counting her as a friend.

His bedside phone rang and Spike was jarred from his contemplations realizing it was now six and he had to leave for work in fifteen minutes. He quickly reached for the phone.

"'lo...hey Tara...sure you can invite someone Friday, it's your party luv...okay, I gotta get ready for work...bye."


	3. chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE:

Tara was never very good at approaching new people but she had a feeling that Buffy might be different from her friends. Tara had known Spike a long time now, they even dated for a little while and it allowed her to see a more caring and softer side to him. He was always a gentlemen but she could tell there was no spark for either of them. Funnily enough it had been Spike who made it easy for her, when the time came, to open up to Winifred or Fred as she was called. If she couldn't get sparks from a leather clad bad boy with a kind and gentil soul no man, would ever set her cauldron on fire. Spike showed the least amount of shock when she made her announcement and had been a good friend to her. So this gesture was as much for his sake as anyone's.

Having joined the group late she was afforded a different perspective as Spike explained his past and present relationship, or lack there of, with Buffy. Tara saw the way they fought and needled each other. She saw that Buffy irritated and excited Spike and also the fact that he was always his most grizzly after encountering her. She saw the way Buffy would occasionally watch them all when she thought no one could see and the fact that her eyes always lingered longest on Spike. For his part Tara noticed that Spikes eyes always glittered just a little when he talked about a memory that had Buffy in it. Even after the hurtful things Buffy said their senior year, Spike was still able to forgive her. It hurt him deeply but after watching Spike and Buffy dance together at prom Tara had seen a tiny spark flickering there that promised of something more if they would just get out of their own way.

Tara knew, as did Spike, that Angel O'Neil was a jerk and treated Buffy like property that he owned. It was all the gang could do to stop Spike from flattening the guy two weeks ago when they saw him leaving Cordelia's bedroom window half naked early one morning. After that she was sure, even if neither of them knew it. There was defiantly something there and as her parting gift to her dear friend she was going to give them a chance to get to know each other again. Not as children but as the adults they had become.

Spike had endured a lot and Drusilla opened up old wounds that still had not healed. She was sure that Buffy had her own crosses she was struggling to bare but something told her that they would be so much happier and stronger together. Now all she had to do was summon the courage to talk to the prettiest, most popular girl in town and get her to agree to come to her farewell party, even though they had only said maybe six words to each other in the entire three years Tara had lived there.

………………

Buffy was having the strangest day. First Angel canceled their date and made up some lame excuse about Cordelia needing help studying, as if that ever happened. Then out of nowhere Tara, the really quiet girl from her ancient history class came up to talk to her for what may have been the first time ever.

Buffy had been walking down the south building corridor when the slightly breathless young woman had caught up with her.

"Um...excuse me, but I was wondering...if you're not busy that is...if you would like to come to my farewell party?"

Buffy's surprise must have shown because Tara looked disappointed.

"I...I know we haven't exactly been friends and I am leaving and all but I just thought that it would be nice if you could come." Tara hurried on with a tentative smile.

The poor girl looked as though that was the longest speech she ever made in her life and for some unknown reason Buffy didn't want to disappoint her. Tara always seemed nice but so shy and Buffy was never exactly Miss approachable especially to Spike and his friends. It was time she made an effort to meet new people.

"Thank you Tara, I would love to come. When and where?" Buffy smiled encouragingly.

Tara smiled the first genuine smile Buffy had ever seen from the girl and her features were instantly transformed to show just how physically beautiful the girl really was.

"That's great Buffy, it's at about seven at Spike's house tonight. I'll see you there."

_Oh brother! _She hadn't thought of that. Spike was one of Tara's closest friends, of course he would be there and the gang was always at his house so why wouldn't it be at his place. Oh well. She had been invited he would just have to deal. Knowing him he would probably be all silent and standoffish anyway. That made her stop and think, _he was probably different when he was with his friends_. She was suddenly a little jealous that his friends got to see the real him but brushed that thought aside. What if they didn't like her? What if the people she had snubbed all these years turned around and snubbed her right back? What if Spike still hated her? The fact that she cared so much worried her more than any of the "what ifs".

………………

Tara was very pleased with herself. Buffy was coming to her party and Tara had already had a quiet word to Willow and enlisted her help. Since she knew she would be leaving tomorrow she figured she would have to get Willow to support the induction of Buffy into their group. Boys could be so dense some times but Tara had a feeling even Xander suspected that Spike was unknowingly harboring a crush on the lonely blonde.

So it was settled. All she had to do was tell everyone before Buffy turned up and they all went into a dead faint. Her lips twisted into a hint of Spike's trademark smirk at the thought of Spike fainting.

………………

"You did what?"

Spike stared open mouthed at a shy but unapologetic Tara. He didn't have that much against Buffy, well except for her cold attitude toward him and the fact that she was the only one who ever came close to making poncy old William reappear. As Oz raised a well defined eyebrow Spike tried again.

"I don't mind that you invited her, I mean it's your party and all but I didn't even think you knew her."

Tara smiled as she made the slightest conspiratorial nod towards Willow.

"Maybe I'm just trying to replace my absence from the group." Tara countered.

"That's like trying to replace water with vodka because they look vaguely alike" Spike challenged.

At this Tara pretended to be outraged.

"So are you saying I'm dull...and weak...and don't create fun...and...laughter?" She punctuated each accusation with a well placed poke to his ribs eliciting varied degrees of squirming as he shook his head in the negative.

Xander laughed at his best friend's predicament.

"Poor old Spike, even sweet little Tara can get the best of him."

With this Spike glared at him as Willow knowingly squeezed a spot above Xander's kneecap causing him to jump away from her. All six burst into hysterics allowing the potential tension of the previous discussion to disappear.

………………

Buffy stood at Spike's door, fist poised to knock. Suddenly she heard a male voice yelp and then the sound of contented and genuine laughter. It was the kind of sound that drifted over the garden wall and into her lonely room many times over the years. Although Buffy continued to reassure herself that she had only come by because Tara asked her and told herself that she would not stay long, deep down she knew that she wanted to do this almost a hundred times over the last eight years, just walk up, knock on the door and meet some real people. _Oh well_ she thought, _here goes nothing_.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR :

After a little awkwardness when Buffy first crossed the threshold of the Winters' home, something she hadn't done since she was eleven or twelve years old, she realized that little changed. The room was still warm and comfortably furnished although a few of the grander items appeared to have gone astray and for the briefest of moments she wondered just how hard things were for them after Mr. Winters left. She shook the unpleasant memory of a bright boy turned sullen, angry teen from her minds eye and focused on the group of people she was seeing as if for the first time, despite encountering most of them every day. They were all friendly, although a bit nervous, which is more that she could have said for her own so called friends. Tara had told her all about her plans for UCLA and moving there to be close to some guy called Fred, or at least Buffy assumed that Fred was a guy. When she heard Willow refer to Fred as a 'she' and Spike make a teasing remark about it always being the quite ones Buffy almost swallowed her gum!

She was beginning to think that there was more to this little group than she ever imagined. She noticed the way Xander was nervous whenever Anya was around and the encouraging looks Anya was giving an unaware Xander. She saw how comfortable Willow and Oz were together, just sitting arm in arm in natural and genuine intimacy. It surprised her to see them as a couple but more surprising was the fact that they had clearly been together for a while because no one else noticed it as odd. It made her feel warm, like she was in the company of real friendship and at the same time she was a little sad that she was not really a part of their world.

Tara was standing to one side laughing and joking with Spike. There was a special friendship shared there, even she could see it. It wasn't as deep as the one he shared with Willow and Xander but it was a tangible comfort. It flowed freely between all of them, like within these walls and while in each others company they were free to be the purest versions of themselves. Tara was more confident, Xander was less clumsy and showed more of what turned out to be a sharp sense of humor. Willow was less coy, Oz was more openly affectionate and even Anya seemed to be less uptight. It made Buffy feel privileged to be invited into such a warm party and at the same time terribly lonely because she didn't belong in this world, at least not yet.

About fifteen minutes later the doorbell chimed and two younger people entered, their arms filled with Pizzas and junk food. The young girl looked vaguely familiar but the guy, he was defiantly Angel's little brother. In all the time they were dating Angel never talked much about his family and never really took the time to introduce her. The boy appeared slimmer and less arrogant than Angel, like he was unaware of how handsome he was. His skin was paler and he looked a little startled to see Buffy sitting in the midst of the gathering, but strangely none of the group seemed surprised to see the teenage couple. The young girl, an ebony beauty even at her tender age, came and sat by Buffy after hugging Willow and Tara.

"It's like feeding time at the zoo hey? Between Xander and Spike the rest of us are lucky to eat at all. I'm Dawn by the way."

The young girl smiled openly and Buffy felt instantly at ease, like they really should have known each other all their lives.

At that point a cushion came flying through the air at Dawn who ducked just in time.

"I am so telling your mum on you," she challenged, to which Spike replied "Nibblet, don't even think about it!"

He then bared his teeth and growled. He looked so much younger in this setting, less guarded. Dawn just openly laughed at the apparently common antics.

"Don't even try it, you know I don't believe any of that Vampire rot!"

Spike smirked, "Careful now Bit, you're startin' to sound like me."

Dawn just rolled her eyes. Smiling inwardly at the display Buffy decide that since she was already in enemy territory she might as well satisfy her curiosity.

"Dawn, that's a really pretty name." Buffy smiled encouragingly.

"Oh thanks, my mum is kind of unconventional but I like it."

Buffy smiled again.

"How did you and Connor get to be part of 'The Misfits'?"

The second she said it she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. How could she insult them by using a snobby label on the people who were being nicer to her than her own friends?

As if sensing her train of thought Dawn patted her arm.

"Don't worry, we all like it, it suits us! The guys said it started as a mean jab by Angel and his crew, oh...sorry, but it is sort of true and really who wants to be ordinary huh?"

Dawn smiled reassuringly before continuing.

"I met the guys when I moved her last year and I was initiated about six months ago. Connor is my boyfriend, has been for a few months now, he only got initiated about a month ago though."

Dawn's brow creased when she realized just who she was talking to, "You won't tell Angel on us will you? He already gives Connor a really hard time."

Buffy didn't see what the big deal was but Dawn's eyes looked pleading and so she promised and made a zipping motion with her hand over her mouth. Dawn laughed.

As Spike approached the pair Buffy couldn't understand why her stomach tightened. Dawn flashed Buffy a killer smile.

"You know you're not at all the self-opinionated and highly strung woman Spike made you out to be."

Spike tugged on the feisty brunette's hair lightly.

"I never said that."

Dawn just smirked "No? What was it you called her, a self-righteous bint?"

Dawn artfully poked her tongue out at him then. It was at that moment that Connor decided to capture said tongue in a kiss. It appeared that he then remembered that Buffy was there and backed off, reaching out his hand.

"Hi, I'm Connor, it's nice to finally meet you. Spike has told us lots about you."

Dawn then slapped the poor boy upside the head and stage whispered as they moved away.

"Isn't she your brother's girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but he hardly ever talks about her anymore!" Came the barely audible response.

Spike squared his shoulders just a little. He hadn't spoken to her much over the last few years. They had gone back to ignoring each other. He wasn't upset anymore about her outburst back in the day. They were different people now. She was still the most infuriating and complicated woman he was ever likely to meet but there was a flicker of hope that refused to die out. There was hope that away from her brain dead clique maybe they might all be friends.

"So...long time huh, Goldilocks?"

She glared at the childhood nickname, most likely on reflex.

"Come on now, I'm making with the nice here."

Since when did he lose his capacity for intelligent speech? Spike cleared his head.

"Come fight for some pizza before Harris eats everything."

"I resent that man." Was the muffled reply coming from the kitchen seconds before Xander appeared with another pizza box.

"I refer you to the box eating incident of 2003." Willow reminded him.

"Hey now! That was a dare and you all know it!"

There was more laughter and banter through dinner and Buffy began to wonder what else she had missed about this deceptively ordinary group. The more she though about it the more she hoped that she still had a chance to be a part of this group. If only she could figure out if Spike could ever forgive her and trust her again. If only she knew why it would mean so much to her if he could.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five:

All the gang agreed to meet at Tara's the next morning to help her pack up the last of her things. Willow invited Buffy to join them As the others chatted and loaded the final few boxes into the moving van, Buffy took Tara aside.

"I have to ask….after everything…..why are you all being so nice to me?"

Buffy began to glance around nervously, uncertain that she actually wanted an answer. Tara smiled softly and patting Buffy's arm.

"It may seem strange to you but we happen to think you are a pretty nice girl most of the time."

"But after everything I said….all those times I was mean to you all…..and the horrible things I said at the end of senior year?"

"Look…I won't pretend that what you said wasn't hurtful and I think we can all agree that it wasn't your finest hour…..but we were all younger then…a lot can change in three years"

Tara looked the petite blond over once more and smiled as she turned away, speaking quietly over her shoulder.

"You know I really do think he has forgiven you and put it behind him. If you ask me what you need to do now is earn back his trust, the forgiveness he gave you freely, it helped him put it in the past. The rest is really up to you…..but then again that's just my opinion."

Tara tried to hold back the smile that tugged at her lips as she watched a youthful and hope**-**filled expression flash through Buffy's eyes. Oh they were definitely onto something here.

The gang drove Tara to the airport in Oz's van, nicknamed the Scooby Mobile because it had been painted a psychedelic green and purple just like the one in the cartoon. As Tara's flight number was called for boarding she sent a teary smile around the group.

"I have a parting gift for you all. Anya, this is for you with the wish that the one you love will finally get a clue. Xander……a clue!"

Tara smiled as she handed a blushing Xander a green pendant identical to the one she had just given to Anya.

"Oz, I'll just wish you luck because I have a feeling you already have what you want and Willow…I'm going to miss you so much….take care of them for me, make sure Spike doesn't give Dawnie a hard time."

When Willow had finally released Tara from a teary hug it was Buffy's turn. Tara smiled warmly at her and leaning in whispered to her.

"Good luck Buffy…I have a feeling you're going to make it…..just don't give up!"

She had deliberately saved the hardest goodbye till last, Spike was definitely one of a kind and she would be hard pressed to find a friend like him anywhere in the world, let alone in LA. Though she had been trying desperately not to cry a few tears were slipping through her marginal control as she reached out and took his hand.

"You !You had to go and make this little town feel like a home didn't you ? I'm going to miss you so much….all of you….take care of them won't you Spike? Watch out for them."

She already knew that he would, he always had.

As the final boarding call came she kissed his forehead and whispered her one final piece of advice to the friend who had done so much for her.

"Believe in her William….I do!"

Tara smiled at the confused look in his eyes. He didn't understand it now but she was sure it would all make sense soon enough.

"Well…that's me….be good to each other…kiss Dawnie goodbye for me….and you, Spike, don't be too hard on her or I will come back here and bewitch your bleached blonde backside!"

"Just get on the damn plane Glinda before you have to hop a broom to LA!"

Smiling at the old nickname, bestowed upon her when she had lost a bet and was forced into playing the good witch in the drama **club's** production of 'The Wizard of Oz' last year, Tara Mclay left Sunnydale behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

Willow, Anya and Dawn invited Buffy to go shopping with them to try and find a new outfit for Dawn to wear on her date with Connor. It was apparently their four month anniversary and Dawn wanted something special.

Standing outside of the mall Buffy found an unfamiliar nervousness creeping into her stomach. For some reason it was important to her for these girls to like her. It had nothing to do with Spike, or at least that was what she was telling herself. It was unnerving her no end to know that with these girls there was no point in pretending to be someone she wasn't the way she did to fit in with Cordy and the other cheerleaders at first, she knew it wouldn't work. But what would happen when they found out that she was just another boring, lonely, rich kid? She spent so many years being "Buffy, the cheerleader" or "Cordelia's friend Buffy" and now "Angel's girlfriend Buffy" that she could hardly remember who she was when she was alone in her room, just being herself.

Just as she was telling herself off for being so pathetic and turning for home Willow rounded the corner.

"Hey Buffy, I'm glad you came, Dawn can use all the help she can get!"

Willow smiled confidently. It was unusual to see the slender redhead so self-assured and Buffy again noticed just how wrong she had been about them.

Buffy could feel the satisfied glow as they all made their way to the food court. Dawn settled on a light blue, three quarter dress with a lace up back. She looked beautiful, casual and elegant at the same time. They all chatted and seemed to honestly want her opinion. Usually Cordy and Harmony were too busy quoting "Cosmo" to hear her fashion ideas.

The conversation moved naturally from fashion to makeup and the horrors of animal testing, back to fashion and onto relationships. Willow beamed as she told Buffy how she and Oz first started dating. There was something settled and calm about it and yet still charged with passionate energy.

Anya sure seemed in a hurry to spend her days, and nights for that matter, with Xander and Dawn was so excited about her date it was bouncing off her like beams of sunshine. Buffy couldn't help wondering if maybe she was pushing Angel away? They went out every Saturday night, they did the same things, went to the same places and ended the same way. Angel would try to undo her buttons or untuck her shirt, she would kiss him for a few minutes and they fooled around a little some of the time but then on her instinct she would go inside and up to bed alone much to Angel's annoyance.

Maybe it was her? Maybe if she just tried a little harder? Angel was a catch! Star quarterback, rich, popular and built like a granite statue. Every girl in Sunnydale knew Angel's name. So why didn't she feel fireworks? Buffy found her contemplations interrupted by Dawns bright voice.

"So Buffy, do you have a hot romantic date this weekend?"

"Nope. I'm going out with Angel"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

"Earth to Spike, come in Spike. Man, I think the bleach has finally soaked into your brain."

Spike shot his friends a quizzical look as Xander waved a hand in front of his face.

"What? Why are you all starin'?"

"Xander asked if you'd read the latest 'Dark Devotion' novel yet? What were you thinking about?"

Oz wore only a hint of a smile and Spike looked away quickly as unbidden thoughts of a very sultry and equally unwelcome Buffy Summers merged with the confident, sexy, leather clad heroine of 'Dark Devotion'. He had to admit 'Buffy the vampire slayer' sure did have a nice ring to it, but his head definitely shouldn't go there since other parts of his anatomy were way too willing to follow.

As Spike made every effort to clear his head a knowing smile spread across Xander's face.

"No prizes for guessing what he's thinking about now, or should I say WHO he's thinking about?"

"Shut up Harris"

"Hey, I'm not saying a word. Not about the glazed over look in your eyes or the track your mind is on or the fact that she would look cardiac arrest worthy in one of those little leather outfits from the cover of the book. Nope, I'm not saying a word"

Xander's grin didn't fade once through his entire monologue, relishing the fact that he had the upper hand this time. It wasn't often that he was able to catch his best friend at an embarrassing moment and it was defiantly due time. They both gave as good as they got, but in the end they always had each others back.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up dough boy. Just wait till I tell Anya where your mind is headed, then we'll see how much mouthin' off you do"

At Spikes clearly idol and yet equally scary threat Xander began to backpedal for all he was worth.

"Hey, what would I know? I'm so blinded by Anya's beauty that I can hardly see and by all means feel free to quote me on that at any opportune moment guys"

"And I thought Dawn was scary….Anya must really be something!"

Xander shook his head at the memory of a crazed Anya on the warpath, exacting her vengeance. That was a drama he could live without. Besides, he had been crushing on her since high school.

"You have no idea! The last man Anya caught looking at another woman had to transfer to a collage on another continent to get away from the rumors she spread. Poor Doyle, even his parents started to believe he was gay after a while."

………………..

Connor visibly shrunk back into the shadows of the tree the group was sitting under. As his brother and the rest of the football team went jogging past the park on their way to practice, the previously energetic teen took on a distinctly vulnerable look tinged with the seething anger Spike knew must be lurking in the poor kids head. Just watching, knowing what a bully Angel was, made Spikes temper flare.

"So. What's up with that poncy brother of yours?"

"He's such a jerk! Everything is always about him and that dam team, it's all my dad can talk about. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to cover for him, writing his assignments and papers so they can keep his dumb ass on the field, I mean it's my senior year! I should be spending time on my own study and thinking about girls."

Spike gave him a semi playful growl and Connor decided to amend his last point.

"I mean respectfully planning sweet and innocent picnics and movie dates with Dawn in well lit and supervised venues that have her home by eleven?"

The last part was said more as a question than a statement and Spike couldn't help but smile, even if he knew it wasn't the whole truth it was comforting to know the kid cared enough to lie. Truthfully Spike preferred the lie. If he stopped to think what he did with the raven haired beauty of his senior year…well you just didn't think about your sister that way. At least he could be fairly confident that Dawn wasn't going to turn into a psyco, break Connors heart and leave him with some sever emotional issues.

"That's what I thought mate. But seriously, you can't keep bailing you big bro out for the rest of your lives, tell him to sod off!"

"How about you tell him to sod off and I'll watch from a safe distance. How does Spain sound? If he was half my size, not quarterback for the best team Sunnydale's had in ten years and not my dad's favorite than I would but as it stands, well I'm just happy when he ignores me!"

Xander cleared his throat as Angel and his crew of Neanderthals spotted the group.

"I suggest that since it is a day ending in Y and therefore not a day for fighting with muscled up, brain dead jocks, that you flee. Angel defiantly wouldn't take kindly to you befriending social outcasts, the lunatic fringe and his mortal enemy."

"Maybe I should just stand up to him? What do you guys think?"

Although it was understood that if Connor did want to have it out with Angel they would all fight along side him, it was clear that he was in no mood to do battle today and doing it in front of Angels team was a very bad idea, there was no way Angel would loose face with his followers. No, today was defiantly not the best time to have this 'discussion'. In an almost comical twist, Oz, Xander and Spike all responded in unison.

"Run"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight:

In Spikes opinion Angel O'Neil was a 'Peach'; nice enough to look at, tanned and glossy exterior but with a hard and bitter heart of stone. The more Spike got to know him the more convinced he was of the analogy. When they were young, Xander, Willow and he would analyze each other and those around them trying to come up with metaphors to describe personalities. Willow had described 'William' as a 'pineapple'; rough and spiky on the outside with a sweet heart of gold. After that Xander had started calling him Spike and it had stuck. Everyone seemed to assume it was to do with some crazy violent thing from his past and so his 'don't mess with me' image took off full force.

William probably would have been beaten up a lot in high school but for the first few weeks his new look had confused people and then when people started calling him Spike, well he managed to bluff his way out of most situations and when bluff didn't work? Well he wasn't the biggest but he was defiantly the fastest in a fight, nothing a bunch of high school jocks could do could compete with that previous summer.

Actually Willow and Xander confessed that that was why they had tried to make friends with him initially, he looked tough enough to be a body guard but not big enough to be a football player. In some ways Spike was glad that back then, after everything that happened over the summer with Warren, he decided to become someone new.

Angel fumed. Just the sight of those social rejects and their pathetic loser leader was enough to turn his stomach. He hated Spike Winters, he was the only person upon who Angels presence seemed to have no effect. Even after all these years Angel couldn't understand how it happened. He left to spend the holidays in Japan with his father and came home to start high school to find pathetic, predictable William gone and some Billy Idol reject in his place. No matter what Angel said he couldn't get his friends to see the looser behind the leather and where had that stupid name come from? What kind of name was Spike?

Angel heard one of the seniors back in their first year at Sunnydale High say it was because he'd seen the Winters kid stab a guy with a rail road spike….yeah right! But somehow his team mates weren't so sure. Then when Spike had given Adam a black eye in year nine all bets were off and unless Angel was there no one gave him any trouble, even his loser friends were relatively ignored and left to their loser lives.

Oh how he hated that bleached blonde and his stupid accent. Those other loosers would have been a lot easier to deal with if Spike was gone. They were nothing special, just a couple of geeks and freaks. It was time someone reminded them of that. Angel started to jog over past them shouting;

"hey look guys, it's the vampire and his lifeless losers"

"look, its Peaches and his brainless shadow puppets"

Spikes reply came back with lightening speed and Xander almost choked on his Coke from the look of furry on Angels face. Angel would probably never learn, he could never compete with Spikes sarcasm and wit, but the dumb Jock always tried anyway.

"You're pathetic Winters, you and your misfit freaks. You will never be anything, we're heroes in this town and what are you? What do you have?"

"Well peaches, we're students who _earned_ our place at university, we'll graduate with friends, a career and most of our brain cells functioning, and you, if your lucky and don't injure your selves, will still be standing in the cold playing with your selves"

Spike smirked that trademark smart ass smirk as his comment registered on their battered and alcohol soaked brains and the vain in Angels neck started to pulsate. Spike was infuriating but he wasn't stupid so he shot an amused look at his friends and stood up.

"Ah well. Have fun playing with your balls boys. Good luck Friday night."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

Since high school had ended Buffy had slowly grown apart from her old friends. She still shopped and gossiped with Cordy and Harmony but things weren't really the same. It was like a thick fog of self obsession was slowly thinning over the years and she could see past the popularity and glamour to the shallow and vindictive princesses below. But who was she to judge them? She had willingly become one of them a long time ago.

The only girl on the cheer squad that Buffy actually had any genuine friendship for was the new girl. Faith Izacs had transferred to UC Sunnydale about eighteen months ago. She was an amazing gymnast and had attitude in spades but she was never mean to anyone, well except maybe Cordy, but that was just because they hated each other. Cordy couldn't stand the competition and so Faith was shunned by most of the others on the squad. However Faith and Buffy had become fast friends and though Faith was a very private person they got along amazingly well.

Faith was one of those women that just oozed sex appeal and although she looked like a real wild child with her New York style and Brooklyn accent she was actually just another girl. Faith said that being the youngest of five children and the only girl taught you to be tough, strong and stand up for your self. She wasn't flirtatious, she just wasn't intimidated. The biggest surprise was when Faith announced a month ago that she was engaged to a shy but adorable history major from LA named Wesley Windom Price. Apparently they had been high school sweethearts then when they went off to study they figured it would have to end but they spent every break together and any weekend they could manage and with the modern wonder that is instant messaging they managed to make it work.

" B? Buffy are you listening to me?"

"Oh sorry Faith. What were you saying?"

" I asked if you had a good time on your date with the football playing ape that you call a boyfriend?"

"Come on Faith, that's not fair. He is a great guy, everyone says so."

" B, if you like him that's great, if you want to be all goo goo eyed and swoon by all means do but if you don't like him then you've got to dump him. You'll never find a boyfriend if you don't dump Angel."

"Angel _is_ my boyfriend! And for your big fat information I like him plenty"

"That's a very convincing argument you've got going there B"

Buffy playfully stuck her tongue out at her friend. It felt good to be silly again.

"Oh sure, that really helps to convince me B!"

"Well, I'm just taking it slow."

"Slow is good, don't get me wrong, but if there's no spark then you won't be getting any fire."

"But if there's no fire you don't get burned."

"You have a point. I don't like it but it's a point none the less. Now on to more interesting subject matter. If you can pull your self away from the pom pom brigades there are some friends of mine I'd like you to meet."

Buffy followed Faith out of the lunch hall, down past the old psychology building and around to a small courtyard area that Buffy had never noticed before. It was much quieter there and the round table in the middle of the clearing looked comfortable and clean. She was about to tell Faith just that when a familiar voice echoed down along the path they had just taken.

"Spike if you don't take that back."

"What? If I don't take it back you'll what?"

"I'll just tell Buffy what you said last night when you were asleep on the…."

Anya's voice trailed off as she appeared around the corner and spotted her chance to make good on her threat.

"Buffy, just the person I wanted to see. Did you know that last night…"

Anyas sentence was cut short as Spike too turned the corner, spotted Buffy and clamped his hand over Anyas still moving mouth.

"Fine, I take it back, I'm sure you and Xan will be shagging six ways from Sunday in no time at all. Happy now?"

Anyas reply was lost in her fit of giggles. Buffy mentally kicked herself for even caring but something in her head was insistent on wondering about Spike Winters and it would have been nice to have a little dirt on him. Buffy was caught off guard by Faiths sudden look of amusement.

"Well B, I was about to introduce you to the new friends I met last week but something tells me you have already met."

Buffy explained that they all went to the same high school and that Spike was her neighbor and Faith explained how Oz had recognized Wes from a picture in Faiths notebook in their ancient ruins lecture. Apparently Oz used to tutor Wesleys cousin.

The group then moved to the picnic table in the middle of the courtyard and began to produce varying degrees of bought and packed lunches. What really struck Buffy as amazing was the fact that they began to automatically swap bits and pieces, split doughnuts, exchange sandwiches and barter with each other. It was done in a natural and clearly familiar way but it reminded Buffy of her own friends, sitting at the best table in the cafeteria, swapping dieting tips and watching each other eat six different types of lettuce masquerading as a salad. Somehow she was sure this group had more fun.

"Summers, we'll make an exception this time but don't come back here with that crappy rabbit food again, we're not hamsters."

Spike shook his head and tossed her half a jam sandwich. Willow and Anya shuffled over to make space for her and that was how she ate lunch every day that week, with not a lettuce leaf in sight.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten:

Buffy's date with Angel went by like all of the other, with one notable exception. As always they went to an expensive restaurant. Angel ordered her a salad and himself a steak and chocolate moose for desert, of which he dutifully fed her one bite. They went to see a movie Angel had no intention of watching and like a good girlfriend she let his wondering hands roam free.

This time however she was thinking about Willow and Oz and how comfortable they were together. She thought about Dawns beaming smile whenever Connors name was mentioned and Faiths general peaceful glow whenever she had seen or heard from Wes. Buffy's thoughts returned to the man attacking her mouth and forcing his exploring tongue between her teeth. She hated when he did that. Maybe if she just gave him a chance, let him show her how much he cared, maybe then she could have her share in those fuzzy feelings too.

She wanted so desperately to be close to someone, to be able to share something wonderful and scary and deep with someone who understood that she needed to be needed, not adored. Angel had been so good about waiting. It wasn't even like she was saving her virginity for the right man. She had given that away far too easily. Much to her sorrow, years ago at one of Cordy's parties and at the tender age of sixteen she had gotten horribly drunk and followed an equally paralytic Riley Finn into the guest house and with no romance, no tender words and a great deal of pain it was over in the space of a song. Riley didn't even remember the next morning. She heard him bragging about this girl he banged but no one ever knew it was her. That was her one and only sexual experience, she and Parker were only together for seven months and Angel was trying to be patient but he was becoming more persistent as time went on. Who could blame him? They had been together for years now.

It wasn't that Buffy was unfeeling or afraid. They did plenty of other things and Buffy always held up her end. _'Great Buffy, what a way to phrase it'_ she giggled a little at her own internal joking as Angel stopped the car outside her house.

"What's so funny babe?"

"Oh nothing, just something I read in Cosmo"

It was a lie and she knew it but what did it matter. As she looked at Angel in his dark suite with his athletes body and angelic eyes Buffy wondered if maybe he could erase the bad memories and give her something more than the uneasiness that had been settling in lately.

"Angel, tell me how you feel about us?"

"Let me show you baby"

Angel ran his wondering hands up her back zeroing in on the clasp of her Bra, his eyes asking the same question they always did before sliding to her cleavage as he began to undress her with his eyes. It often happened this way, but in an instant she decided that tonight the answer would be different.

"Alright Angel, but not here, come inside. My parents are away for the weekend, they won't be back till Monday."

To her great surprise her voice shook only a little now her decision was made. Angel paused for the slightest of moments before bolting out of the car and round to her door. Before she really knew what was going on they were in the guest bedroom, it was closest to the front door and apparently Angel couldn't wait long now he knew she had given in. Angel kissed her neck and one shoulder as he threw away her blouse, then just as quickly his attention shifted to the fastest way to remove his own shirt and trousers. He striped in one fluid motion and indicated for her to lie down on the bed.

After that everything moved very quickly. She remembered to insist he ware protection even though she was on the pill but other than that Angel took control. He didn't even bother to take off her skirt, he just hiked it up around her and pulled her crimson panties down. Though he told her she was hot and sexy, he never actually said her name and as he thrust into her he was so caught up in his own need that he failed to notice the tears of pain that welled in her eyes or the gasping sound she made at the unfamiliar and painful invasion.

As he squeezed her still silk encased breast and thrust more rapidly in search of release Buffy lay there and waited for the pain to ebb and the energy to build, but it didn't and with one final grunt Angel climaxed, his body shook and then it was over.

A few minuets later Angel rolled off her, kissed her forehead quickly and muttered something about getting cleaned up and all Buffy could think was _'there must be more to it than that'_ maybe it got better with time? Maybe next time it wouldn't hurt so much? The problem was Buffy didn't really want a next time, right now all she wanted to do was curl up and cry.

She was shaken from her thoughts as a fully dresses Angel reappeared looking for his keys.

"Babe, you're not dressed?"

"Where are you going Angel?"

"I'm sorry babe, I thought you knew, I can't stay, I have to be up early to practice. Coach called an emergency drill for next Fridays game. You understand don't you babe?"

"Well I …."

"Great, I knew you would. That was great babe. I'll call you tomorrow ok."

And then he was gone and Buffy was left alone, lying half naked with her skirt around her waist, an ache at her core and tears in her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

Spike punched his pillow violently for the fifth time in as many minuets. Why did he have to live next door to her? It was one thirty in the morning for crying out loud and here he was, home alone on a Saturday night, tossing and turning because he saw Peaches leaving her house. Why couldn't he just ignore the fact that the wanker obviously got what he had come for and couldn't be bothered to stay the night. Maybe she didn't care? Maybe they did it all the time?

Spike punched his pillow again. Unfortunately there was a hole in that theory since he knew it _didn't_ happen all the time. Angel never went in. Now, he wasn't fooling him self, he didn't expect her to be all sweet and innocent, not with a body like that and boyfriends like Parker and Peaches. Best he could figure it, not that he had given the matter much thought, Parker left her because she wouldn't 'give it up' and Angel was introducing his Johnson to half the female population so he figured that Buffy was not the kind of girl who unveiled her virtue easily. His prediction, she got too drunk too young, had a very unsatisfying experience and was a little gun shy. Not all that implausible really. What guy in his right mind would admit that he was dating the hottest girl in Sunnydale and still wasn't aloud to seal the deal. So what had changed tonight? Why had she decided after so long to go that final step?

Spike shuddered and punched his pillow again. Just listening to himself made him ill. What was he, a bloody drug store novel? He had to stop thinking about her! It was her life and she could do what ever and _who_ ever she wanted. Problem was, something deep down told him Buffy wasn't the kind of girl to _'do'_ anyone. She deserved better than that and she defiantly deserved better than Angel. In frustration Spike yelled into his pillow and gave up on sleep, instead heading for the kitchen and some of the chocolate chip ice cream his mum hid in the back of the freezer.

Buffy winced as she stepped out of the shower. Was it supposed to hurt so much? Wasn't it supposed to be better? Shouldn't it have been beautiful? As she put on her white cotton panties and matching t-shirt bra Buffy looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She knew she was attractive, people had been saying it for years, but somehow it all seemed so empty. If taking that final physical step was beautiful, and all she felt was empty, what did that say about her? What good was a body that couldn't feel love?

Buffy shook her head to clear the haze of thoughts circling her and filling her with doubt. She gingerly walked to her room and shut the door. It didn't hurt as much anymore and the heat from the shower had relieved some of the tension in her muscles. Drying off her hair and dressing for bed she looked again at the now totally transformed girl in the mirror. This was the real her, messy hair, bunny slippers and yummy sushi pajamas. This was the girl Angel was supposed to search for and discover but somewhere along the way they stopped traveling together and started just traveling next to each other. He didn't tell her about his family, his dreams for the future, his hopes, fears or quirky habits, she didn't even know what his favorite colour was.

_That's just great Buffy! You just had sex with a man and you don't even know his favorite colour!_

Buffy took a few deep breaths and reached for the phone. She really needed a friend but Faith was out of town and there was no conceivable way in which Cordy or Harmony would understand. She needed to talk to somebody and she needed a hug so she called the only person she could think of ………

Spike was standing in the dark of his kitchen reaching for the fridge door when the phone rang. His reaction would have been hysterically funny if it hadn't been for the yelp of surprise, which sounded decidedly feminine even to his own ears.

"Winter's residence, why the hell are you calling so late?……No Mrs. Winters isn't here right now….Buffy is that you?…….What's wrong? Are you hurt or something? Did Angel hurt you? …..What do you mean that's a stupid question? ….. Of course I know he's your bloody boyfriend! ….No wait, it wasn't a mistake calling…..will you just shut up a second?……Go unlock your door I'm coming over……..well I'm coming so you had better let me in."

Spike banged his head softly against the wall as he replaced the receiver. Why should he even care that she sounded upset? Why, why, why? Who does she think she is anyway, calling his mum for advice or whatever and then treating him like an answering service, saying it was a mistake to even call and then after he offers to come over she has the nerve to say she won't even let him in. ARAH ! That girl could be so irritating!

Spike managed to yell at Buffy in his head all the way out his back door, over the fence and onto her porch, still carrying the tub of choc chip no less and heaven help her if the door was locked! As he turned the knob and heard the bolt slide back one thought lingered.

_Please don't let her talk to me about having sex with Angel !_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

This was not going at all the way she had planned. Having sex with Angel was supposed to make them closer. Angel was supposed to carry her up to her room and lay her gently on her bed. He was supposed to whisper beautiful things and look deep into her eyes and scream her name. It was only now that she realized that not once had he said her name. Even without all the romantic notions, which were apparently fiction, she never imagined she would be opening the door at two in the morning to Spike and a tub of choc chip ice cream.

"Spike. Come on in I guess. Close the door will you."

"How about 'hello Spike. Thanks for coming over at two in the morning even though you were probably sound asleep' ." _Liar, you weren't even close to sleeping._

"I never said you had to come over. But since you're here do you want bowls or do you just want spoons?"

"What are you talking about blondie?"

"The ice-cream you brain drain"

Spike followed her into the kitchen a little begrudgingly but hell he was over there he might as well try to help. In answer to her question Spike took a seat at the kitchen counter and stabbed his spoon into his pint of choc chip indicating for Buffy to do the same. It had been a long time since he had been inside the Summers house. The place was still large, fancy and cold, almost to the point of being sterile.

Mirroring his actions with the ice-cream Buffy realized that there was something unnerving and yet comforting about having Spike back in her kitchen after all these years. More worrying still was the distinctly intimate feeling of sharing ice-cream from a tub in the sleep ruffled hours of pre-morning. It struck her as odd that only a few hours ago she was having sex with her boyfriend and yet it was this moment in time that was striking a chord within her.

_How the hell does he do that?_

How does an aggravating, self opinionated bleach blonde send butterflies to her stomach when her body barely notices Angel even in his most romantic moments. Then to add insult to increasingly serious injury, watching Spike lick his spoon clean or subconsciously take his bottom lip into his mouth to remove tell tale traces of indulgence. It was more than any red blooded woman could take.

Right there, in that moment, all Buffy wanted was to kiss those soft, warm lips and lean into his embrace. It could never happen of course, they were bearly on speaking terms again and anyway they would drive each other insane. No it would never work. She would just have to ignore the little voice inside telling her to take a chance.

Buffy gave a small involuntary sigh and looked up to find she now had Spike full attention.

"So, Buffy. Were you looking for someone to talk to or did you just want some company?"

"Gee Spike, your compassion overwhelms me"

"Don't get all snappy. I just wanted to know what's on your mind Summers. Can't help if I don't know what's up now can I?" _Don't say Angel. Don't say Angel._

"Thanks. The main problem is something I would rather deal with on my own but I am glad of the company"

"Alright then, neutral corners. So how was Cheerleading practice last week…."

And there was that smirk again.

At five thirty on Saturday morning Spike woke up just in time to catch the end credits of the video he and Buffy were supposed to be watching. They had talked about nothing in particular for a solid hour give or take a few sarcastic comments and the occasional assault on his fashion sense. It had been much more relaxed than he had ever thought possible. Maybe it was the stillness of early morning or maybe it was the fact that none of her friends were around but he could almost see himself falling for a girl like her. Then again he could also almost see himself working as a high impact stunt person except for the pain, anguish and possibility of a violent, agonizing end. He figured falling in love with Buffy Summers would prove quite a similar fait.

As he woke he became more aware of the still sleep enveloped, petite blonde resting her head on his shoulder.

_How the hell does she do that?_

How could such an aggravating, self opinionated woman fit so neatly into his arms and if he was not VERY careful his life? More to the point would it really be so horrible if she did fit back into his life?

As Buffy began to stir Spike turned his thoughts away from the confronting subject matter and untangled himself. After covering her with the couch rug and desperately trying not to think about the fact that she was so beautiful he could scream, he tried to think of one good reason why Angel wasn't here in her arms.

Shaking his head Spike walked over to an old writing desk in the corner ready to leave her a note when Buffy spoke.

"Trying to sneak away?"

"Trying not to wake you up actually."

"Oh, thanks. Are you leaving?"

"Well that was the idea. Do you want me to stay?"

"Whatever, just thought you might be lonely"

Her verbal response was crisp and clear but her eyes suggested the SHE was lonely. They always gave her away.

Spike thought on what a potentially disastrous mistake he was about to make but there was something in those eyes that reminded him of the little girl who had once been his best friend.

"I guess I could stick around. Mum's on the graveyard shift, she wont get home till nine or ten this morning. But don't you want to get some sleep?"

"Not really that tired. Lot on my mind."

Spike knew he should stay out of it. They were only barely speaking again to begin with. Still, for some reason his common sense was always the first casualty of spending time with Buffy.

"Your too good for him you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Angel. What has the jerk done now?"

"He's not a jerk, he's my boyfriend."

"He's not worth it. You deserve someone so much better."

"What about Drew? Was she good enough? Did she deserve you?"

"Forget it, I'm not getting into this now. Let's stop ex bashing and talk about something else."

"Angel isn't my ex !"

"Give it time goldie locks"

"You're impossible !"

"Not impossible just highly unlikely"

Buffy glared at the blonde bad boy and his trademark cocky grim. Spending time with him was rapidly getting to feel so natural, even fighting seemed more playful and exciting than anything she and Angel ever did. But she wasn't the same sweet, innocent little girl he had known. She had to make sure he knew that if they were ever going to be friends again.

"I'm not some naive little school girl you know, I'm not even a virgin, haven't been for a long time."

"Never said you were, or thought that you should be pet. It's not like I was saving myself in high school either."

Buffy was surprised to find that she was disappointed, even a little hurt that he wasn't the least bit shocked.

"Anyway Buffy, I for one don't blame you. Sex is hours of fun, so long as you do it right."

"hours?….I mean yeah! It's the best feeling ever."

Now that sounded week even to her own ears.

"Something tells me you don't really believe that"

"I've had lots of great sex, amazing sex even."

"Even if that's true, which I seriously doubt, something tells me you're still a virgin, you just forgot to tell your body."

"What the hell does that mean? Either you've done it or you haven't, there's no middle ground here Spike. Anyway, what would you know? What are your numbers like hot shot? Who have you slept with?"

Spike had dated a few people since high school but since Dru he was not exactly open to physical or emotional intimacy and as a result, though they had experienced and experimented with both sex and lovemaking countless times, he had only ever been with one woman. Still there was no reason Buffy ever needed to know that. Even Xander and Willow were unaware of exactly what his love life entailed.

"Firstly, sex and sleeping are two completely different sports and secondly a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Let's just say I'm a rebel with killer dress sense. I'm the local 'Big Bad', what do you think my numbers are like?"

Buffy frowned. Who was she kidding? Even Cordilia would take him to bed, so long as no one ever found out about it. He could have had sex tonight for all she knew. Making attempts to ignore the sensation in her stomach, one which felt alarmingly like jealousy, Buffy prepared to concede defeat. That is until she noticed a minor detail she had missed throughout their previous conversations.

"You're the Big Bad?"

Buffy laughed outright as Spike realized just how ridiculous he looked sitting there in boxers with little Garfield heads on them and a matching t-shirt with 'the cat's meow' printed on the front. It was easily the most ridiculous thing he owned but Dawn had given them to him for his birthday and he figured, who'd see?

_Ha, great idea Spike, real intimidating._

"Garfield? Of all the prints you could choose you buy Big Bad Garfield pajamas! It's just too good!"

By this point Buffy was holding her side almost doubled over with laughter. He looked so mortified. Now if she could just stop think about how unbelievable appealing it was making him look she would be home free.

"Bloody Hell! They were a gift alright so lay off. I didn't comment on your sleepwear did I?"

_You and your sexy bloody pajamas. Who looks sexy with a pony tail and bunny slippers? Are you listening to your self? Don't fall for her! I mean it !_

"Hey, these are comfortable and I wasn't expecting company!"

"YOU invited ME remember!"

Buffy rolled her eyes but made no effort to kick him out.

"You want breakfast? I can make Pop Tarts."

"Summers, a toaster can 'make' Pop Tarts."

"Shut up. Do you want or not?"

_You have no idea…_

"Got any strawberry?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13.

Rupert Giles was one in a million. With his bookish appearance and mild manor you could easily be forgiven for thinking him nothing more than a shy librarian waiting for retirement. Few people saw the glimmer of mischief in his eyes, the eyes of the rebel within. They were the same eyes that spoke of the growing love that he had for Joyce Winters and the unspoken bond that he shared with Spike.

It had been a subtle process really. Spike had needed a quite place to work on a year ten history project, somewhere that wouldn't call his devil may care attitude and rebel image into question. In actual fact Spike was one of Sunnydale Highs best and brightest students but that was an extremely well kept secret, just the way Spike liked it. So in search of anonymity and better text books Spike snuck into the University library and literally ran into the newly appointed librarian. It took almost six months before Giles realized that Spike was a high school student but by that point Spike had already been working as his library assistant for two months.

The unlikely pair became fast friends. Somehow Giles was able to see the boy behind all of Spikes bravado and in turn Spike was slowly reminding Giles how to relax and remember the man he once was. Spike had a suspicion that in his youth Giles was not dissimilar to himself. In the office, on a small but tidy desk sat an old photograph of a very young and scruffy Giles leaning against an impressively shiny motorcycle and the most beautiful woman Spike had ever seen. The minuet Spike saw it he knew that wherever that woman had gone she had taken the smiling young Giles with her.

After years of staring at it and wondering Spike just had to know and so reluctantly Giles had recounted his story of heartbreak. The photo had been taken on their first wedding anniversary, he and Jenny had been high school sweethearts, hopelessly in love and exquisitely happy. Giles was twenty eight when Jenny and their six year old daughter Emma died in a collision with a drunk driver. Needless to say it tore his life apart and by thirty years of age good, safe, dependable Giles was the curator at the British Museum. Now at forty seven Rupert Giles was in love for only the second time in his life. Only this time he could never seem to find the words to tell her so.

Giles was quickly woken from his romantic contemplations as Spike came bursting through the library doors at ten o-clock, just like he did every Saturday morning. Today however Giles sensed that there was something on his mind.

"You look tired Spike."

"Can't say I got much sleep last night"

"A young lady?"

The hue that colored the librarians cheeks at this vaguely phrased reference to Spike sex life was bordering on the hilarious.

"Not in the way you're thinking. Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Well, I mean…."

"Breathe ……. A friend of mine had a ruff night, I think she was a little lonely."

"Buffy Summers?"

"How'd you know?"

"I know all of the other friends that you'd stay up all night to see, she lives next door and for some reason you've mention her at least once a week for almost five years now."

"Well, I mean…."

"Breathe."

"I see that smirk Giles. Don't think I don't see it. What ever you're thinking, it's not anything like that."

Silence stretched between the two men as Giles observed the young rebels internal dialogue, which he has no doubt centered around Angel.

"Go ahead, say it."

"He doesn't deserve her, he's cheating on her with half the bloody town."

"Don't you think you're exaggerating? No matter what you think of him Buffy doesn't seem like a careless girl, I'm sure she sees a side to him you don't. I grant you, they are an oddly matched pair and if he's cheating on her than she should get rid of him. However it isn't up to you to decide who is or isn't good enough for her. I mean it William."

"Hey now, I want your advice old man but there's no need to resort to name calling."

"Watch who you're calling old _William._"

"Fine, _Rupert_."

"Spike?"

"Yes Giles?"

"Get to work"

The older man swatted half heartedly at the man he considered a son. What a pair they made, an old man who knew he was in love but didn't know how to say it and a young rebel who had somehow fallen in love and didn't even know it. That kind of love, the kind that sneaks up on you, that was the kind that always hurt the worst. But good lord it was worth it! Shaking his head at the both of them Giles headed into his office.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

Saturday had been filled with mixed emotions for Buffy. She woke up warm, contented, wrapped up in strong yet slender arms and the faint scent of soap. Not the manufactured, synthetic floral stuff that everyone seemed so fond of lately, it was the soap from childhood, that dependable homely fragrance. It was at this point that it registered that they were not the arms of her boyfriend, it was not Angels cinnamon shower gel or apple shampoo and she didn't mind one bit.

She could hear Kirsten Dunst reciting Shakespeare, trying to win over her leading man and the events of the previous evening floated back. She had slept with Angel, he had left and somehow calling Joyce for comfort had ended in Spike eating ice-cream in her kitchen and making small talk. Buffy opened her eyes tentatively and when she was sure he was asleep began to really look at the young man beside her. At this close a proximity he looked much younger. His long soft eyelashes softened his features and contrasted against his strikingly blonde locks. She took in his pale complexion, his strong chin and chiselled cheekbones. For heaven sake, even the little scar on his eyebrow made him that much more attractive.

More than anything else what struck her was his hair. Soft, sleep tussled and unrestrained it curled naturally yet haphazardly and despite her better judgment she couldn't help reaching out and brushing a curl back from his forehead. That was a mistake because as he made an adorable contented sound and a shot of electricity run up her spine, for the very first time buffy imagined herself lying naked, bathed in candle light with her hands in his hair and herself in his arms.

Oh fate was cruel !

Why did it have to be him? Why would her body want a man she hardly knew and would never be able to have. Even if they were able to but the past behind then, which she wanted more with each passing day, she was the last woman he would ever look at with tender loving eyes let alone passion. He was wild and dark and probably surrounded by exciting, experienced women. How could she ever hope to capture his attention?

DAME, DAME, DAME! She had to stop thinking about him. She had Angel, that was enough. Spike just isn't your type, your only attracted to him because your tired and he's so warm. That's it.

Pity she didn't believe it.

Angel lay on his big double bed and covered his head with his pillow. Sun was streaming in his window and he felt like he had been run down with a Mac truck. He had finally gotten Buffy into bed and it had defiantly not been worth the wait. He knew he didn't love Buffy Summers. He doubted he would ever really love anyone. Love made you weak! Angel cast his mind back over the events of the weekend. Of all the women he had slept with, and there had been quite a few, that was defiantly the worst experience. It had been her idea to do it in the first place and then she just lay there. It clearly wasn't her first time so maybe she just didn't enjoy sex. Maybe she just wasn't any good at it.

Everything about Buffy was just so plane, She was accommodating and agreeable, she had natural grace and most of all she came from the right family. They did all the right things and went to all the right places, they were the perfect couple. Except that there was no spark, there never had been as far as he was concerned. If they weren't dating he doubted if they would even be friends. But she wasn't a danger to his heart, she drew attention wherever she went and he didn't have to work at making her happy.

If he was really honest Angel realized he hardly knew anything about Buffy as a person and she knew even less about him. In the early days she had made efforts to get emotionally involved in his life but at the end of the day this was what he wanted. She was wealthy, beautiful and belonged exclusively to him. What else could he ask for?

If he wanted someone to hang out with he had his friends and if he needed someone who really knew him, who could tell if he was lying and who listened without judgment, well that's why he was friends with Cordilia. They had been friends since before they even started school and they were there for each other. To the outside world they had picture perfect lives. No one knew, no one they dated, none of their family or friends could tell you any different. But Angel knew the truth about Cordy just like she knew him. He knew she loved Care Bears and Mango ice cream and her favourite colour was sky blue, just like his. They were there for each other and Cordy was possibly the only cheerleader at UC Sunnydale that he had never slept with. What they had was special and it scared him to think that he could ever lose her.

Angel rolled over and screamed into his pillow. He hated feeling vulnerable and he hated that he could have sex all over town but never feel as warm as when he was sitting in a crowded cafeteria talking to Cordy. Angel looked in the mirror at a handsome, popular football star….

"You are one screwed up kid"


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

"You slept with Angel? I thought you two weren't even that serious?"

"Cordilia, we've been dating since high school, why would you sound surprised? I figured you would be shocked that we hadn't done it ages ago."

"But why?"

"Because he's my boyfriend, because he wanted too, because he waited so patiently for me to be ready, take your pic!"

A freshmen cheerleader tried to hide a giggle at the last part of Buffy's justification. Girls were always doing that and she never quite knew why. She had given up trying to work it out a long time ago. Cordy's eyes clouded as she mentally made a decision she realised she should have made a long time ago.

"Buffy, I really didn't know you were serious or I would have told you earlier but I think you should leave him. He doesn't care for you like you care for him. He doesn't love you and you deserve a chance with someone who will love you."

"What are you talking about? We aren't perfect but we're still together and if I try harder we can make it work."

"I'm sorry but it can't work because he doesn't want it to work. He has been seeing other women for over two years now. You're the only one he dates but he spends the night with a different women every other week."

"How could that be true?"

"I guess he never expected things to get this far. You had fun together to start off with but then things ran their course, he expected you to end things when it stoped being fun for you but they just stayed the same and then everyone started saying what a good match you made so socially you two kept dating but things just floated along."

"It's not true. He said he cared about me. He wouldn't have slept with me if he didn't."

"Honey they always sleep with you. He slept with just about all of us, well except Cordy"

"Shut up Harmony!"

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. It couldn't be true, he couldn't have been cheating on her for years and still trying to get her into bed. Buffy stormed out of the locker room and into the stair well just in time to overhear Angel and a couple of his friends on the landing below.

"So did you get any from the ice queen this weekend?"

"Not that it's any of your business but yeah I did."

"So what's she like in bed?"

"Lets just say it's no wonder Parker never bragged about nailing her, it's like trying to have sex with a dish rag! She may look like a tiger but she had about as much skill as a stuffed kitten."

There was a rupture of laughter and rude comments which drowned out the sound of Buffy's horrified gasp. Obviously encouraged by his peers Angel went on.

"Buffy Summers is a cold fish and easily the worst lay I've ever had, and trust me I've had plen…ough!"

Angels last word was cut short as a clearly enraged Spike landed a well calculated punch to his abdomen.

"What the hell? Where did you come from Winters"

"Well you will talk in public stairwells"

"What the hell was that for?"

"For being a complete asshole for over a decade, for trashing your girlfriend in front of your mates and giving the rest of us a bad name, for being a bloody ponce, take your pic?"

It was at this point that Buffy finally regained the use of her legs. With more composure than she though possible she walked up to a winded Angel radiating with rage.

" I don't need you to defend me Spike, thanks all the same but I can take care of myself."

Turning on the crowed of football heroes with a wild look in her eyes she released her fury where it belonged.

"How dare you, you bastard! You told me you cared about me, you lied to my face every day and you were apparently more than willing to sleep with anything with breasts. Then you have the arrogance to run back to your friends to destroy the last shred of dignity I had?"

"Babe, come on now…"

"Don't you dare! You can't even use my name now can you? You, you ,you heartless… ARGH!"

With fists clenched and an almightily scream Buffy ensured Angel wouldn't be sleeping with anyone tonight and left him rolling on the floor where, as far as she was concerned, he belonged. Then with a frightening, though completely false level of calmness she walked out of the stair well and then ran to the nearest bathroom.

"Well, she may not be a tiger mate but the bint sure is dynamite!"

Spike chuckled at Angels agonised groan and turned to go after a women who had refused his advice, ungraciously rejected his assistance and somehow still invoked his protective instincts.

_That girl will be the death of me, I just know it._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The week went by in a bluer of tears. Angel tried to explain and make his excuses but there was really nothing left to say. He had lied to her, she had believed him and now it was over. So Buffy was left to do what any other self-respecting woman would do, cry her self to sleep then put on a brave face and soldier on. So she cried, she cried for all the lies he told her, for the cheating and the deception, for the time she had spent worrying about how he felt, what he wanted and what people would think. She cried for the helpless, weak feelings that threatened to swallow her whole and she cried for all the times she had crossed a line, against her better judgment, going further than she had wanted to just to keep him happy. If she was really honest with her self she even cried because, of course, Spike had to turn up right at that moment so he could hear first hand that he had been right all along. _Dame Dame DAME!_ She hated feeling helpless!

The one thing she didn't cry over was loosing Angel. How could she loose something that never really belonged to her? After all those years it was odd to think that there was nothing about Angel that she would really miss, she didn't know him well enough. Maybe it had always been just a matter of time before things ended? Maybe they should have ended years ago? All Buffy knew for sure was that she wasn't sure about anything anymore.

On Friday however the final puzzle piece fell into place, for Buffy at least. As she made her way past the practice fields she overheard a few of the football players bragging about their latest conquests. They made overly suggestive comments about Harmony and a few other girls on the cheerleading team, even a few descriptive suggestions about what they would like to do with Buffy herself, which needless to say enraged her. Yet Angel stood by, barely paying them any attention. It wasn't until Parker started on a detailed description of what he would like to do with Cordilia in a dark corner that Angel almost choked on his Gatorade. Then when Doyle began to explicitly and graphically agree Angel turned around and decked him.

"How dare you talk about her like that! There's no way Cordy would ever lower her standards enough for you to get anywhere near that close."

"Yeah, well you were always over there, don't try to tell us you weren't gettin' any! You've had half the tail on campus and one or two of the faculty!"

"I have never, EVER, had sex with Cordy! I could never just use her like that."

At that moment realization finally dawned on Buffy, all the signs were there, Angel could never have loved her because he was already in love with Cordilia. It was all right to degrade other women, use their bodies, play on their emotions, break their hearts. After all, it was just sex. But with Cordilia all bets were off, Cordy had been his best friend since childhood and now he had fallen in love with her. For a second Buffy hoped that she would break his heart, but at the same time she realized that maybe they were right together, maybe Cordy was the only one who had a chance to get past all of the emotional barrios around his heart and if Angel and Cordilia could find someone to love then maybe Buffy could find her one in a million.

Maybe?


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

After three weeks of pretending that nothing was wrong and she was fine the pressure was starting to ease. Buffy poured all her energy into her Uni work and was starting to get on top of things for once. She ate lunch with Willow, Xander, Spike and the rest, she pretended to be fine and they pretended they didn't know any different. So in many ways things were better than they had ever been even though she hadn't spoken to any of her old friend since that day in the stairwell. The only person who had even approached her was Cordilia, of all people. It was no secret that they had been in tight competition for years over everything from academics, to cheerleading to popularity but she had come over, not ten minuets earlier to apologize for not saying something sooner, for thinking that Buffy already knew, for everything. What surprised Buffy most was the fact that Cordilia clearly had no idea that Angel, her best friend of more than a decade was desperately in love with her. Maybe Angel hadn't even realized himself yet? Buffy shook her head quietly. How could you be falling in love with someone and not even know?

Buffy was jolted abruptly from her thoughts as a grape flew through the air hitting her on the shoulder. She glared at Spike who was eating his lunch so seemingly innocently. That jerk! Who else would do something so annoying and juvenile?

"What was that for Spike, and don't give me that _'who me?' _look."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're on about pet."

"Well since no one else here is eating grapes, nor do they have the maturity of an eight year old I believe this is yours."

Spike ducked as the stray grape missile passed over his head and connected with an approaching lecturer who shook her head disapprovingly at them all. As the laughter subsided Xander joined the group.

"Was that Cordilia I saw leaving as I passed by earlier?"

Willow quickly filled him in and he nodded.

"Do ya think she's figured out she loves him yet? Bet Angel has no idea the big lump. I wonder if they'll end up together?…ouch! What was that for?"

Xanders musings were cut short has Anya pinched him and someone, probably Willow, kicked him under the table.

"For being tactless you git"

"No look, I'm fine. Angel was seeing other people even before we broke up. Why should it bother me now?…….one thing though, how do you lot know that they have something if they don't even know?"

"You see a lot more when people don't notice your existence. Plus it's easier to see clearly if you're not emotionally involved."

Willow gave Buffy a reassuring smile. One that Buffy was beginning to really find a comfort.

"So. I think the obligatory period of self-pity and sympathy has ended. Time for a party!"

"What was that?"

"I think what Xander was trying to say is that you have been a little down but now it's time to cheer up. So that means it's time for a sleep over!"

The light in Willows eyes left no room for arguments but still received the obligatory, yet futile groans from the men at the table.

"Don't start with me boys, you know the rules. When a friends heart gets stomped on we have to spend quality catch up time to cheer them up!"

Buffy wasn't sure exactly when she had moved into the friend category but she liked the idea more than she cared to admit. Especially since Faith was spending more and more time commuting to spend time with Wes. Buffy smiled the first real smile she had mustered in weeks.

"So where is this sleepover, what should I bring and what do we do?"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

As always the gang were coming over to his house for their little party. It was not an uncommon occurrence but this time Spike couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that this was different and his stomach just refused to settle down. It was that damn girl. He had no idea why but having her around made his skin kind of itch, but in a good way. If he didn't know better he would swear that there was something chemical in him that was drawing him to her. But even if it were true and he was dim enough to give in to his impulse she was in no fit state to be dating. The whole Angel thing clearly was having an impact and he had a funny feeling that she still had no idea what it was like to be in a real relationship. Not that he was one to talk. He had made a very successful go of only dating women who he couldn't possibly fall in love with. It was hard to admit but intimacy was a scary thing when all the people you love seem to either hurt you or get hurt by someone else.

No there was nothing romantic in his future with Buffy but someone really did need to show her that there was more to love than fancy dinners and empty promises. More importantly someone needed to convince her that there was more to her than popularity and a good body. _Ok, fine! A great body._ What Buffy really needed right now was a friend.

Spike continued his internal dialogue, telling himself that he had no feelings either way about Buffy and trying unsuccessfully to convince himself she wasn't all that attractive anyway. All the while he was cleaning the kitchen, tidying the sitting room and hiding the more childish or embarrassing evidence, including a well loved copy of the "Lion King", the friends forever photo Buffy had given him for his tenth birthday that he had never had the heart to get rid of and a model of the star ship enterprise from onto of the fridge. Just because he owned them there was no reason to broadcast it.

That reminded him, he would have to find sweat pants and a tee shirt to replace the Elmo boxers he was currently using as pajamas. Garfield was one thing, Sesame Street characters were a whole other ball game and there is only so much a man can take!

Spike jumped at the sound of the doorbell and shook his head. What the hell was happening to him lately? Shaking off the jittery feeling that was creeping in around the edges of his subconscious he dumped the last few items in his room and opened the door to his favorite Friday night activity.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The night was going surprisingly well. Willow could not have planned it better herself. Buffy was slowly being accepted as a part of their group and she could see a trace of something positively electric running between Spike and the petite blonde. The real trick was going to be getting them together.

Willow glanced over at Anya who was currently otherwise engaged in a deep and passionate kiss with Xander. _No help there._ She looked over at her own boyfriend who was thumbing through Spike and Joyces CD collection and damn he looked hot tonight! _How is a woman supposed to think about her best friends future happiness when Oz is looking so sweet and just plain yummy! _

Willow jumped slightly as a cocky British accent whispered in her ear.

"I know what you're thinking and Red, your dad wouldn't like it"

"You don't know me"

Willow pouted and blushed slightly at being caught out.

"Yeah right! So tell me then, if you weren't undressing Oz with your eyes what were you doing?"

"I was…well...and then…..Oh shut up!"

"Very eloquent Red, good cover"

Willow rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling as she realized Spikes attention was now captured by one Buffy Summers as she laughed at one of Xanders silly little skits and Anyas accompanying comments. It was nice to see the girl smile after the last few weeks but what was better still was the slightly glazed look of intrigue that filled Spikes eyes and the small but genuine smile that tugged at his reluctant lips. Oh this was just too good to pass up.

"I know what you're thinking and Spike, her dad wouldn't like it."

"I don't know what you're on about, I was just…well…and then…..Oh shut up!"

"Very eloquent Spike, good cover"

Spike held his palms up in surrender but still denied having any kind affection for Buffy.

_Some people just can't seem to see what's right in front of them._

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The night had progressed with a comfortable ease and much to Buffy's surprise she was starting to relax and really enjoy herself again. She wondered around the small but tastefully decorated home remembering all the breakfasts and dinners that she had shared with the Winters family. She could still smell shortbread baking and hear Spike practicing the piano. He had been good too, he was only young then but he had loved music for as long as she could remember. Buffy moved away from the group in the living room and into the small kitchen clearing a few glasses as she went. Not much had changed in the last decade or so, the kitchen was still sunshine yellow with blue curtains, the same happy family of ducks sat on the window sill and if you leaned a little over the sink Buffy could see her back porch. Buffy looked out into the Winters back garden and tried to remember the last time she heard Spike play. It was obvious that the old Piano that was once in the dinning room had been moved out some time ago and something inside her became suddenly very sad.

That was where he found her, standing in the dinning room staring at the empty space against the far wall. He kept forgetting that she hadn't been in here since seventh grade. He spoke softly from the doorway so as not to frighten her. He should have been annoyed at her for snooping around his home but for some reason he was never able to get his feelings about this particular blonde to line up the way they should.

"Hey, there you are, this whole production is to cheer you up you know."

"When did you get rid of it?"

Spike considered pretending he didn't know what she was talking about but they both knew it was obvious.

"We sold it a couple of years after dad left. I didn't play as much as I used to and I was sick of dusting the damn thing"

"Why did you stop playing?"

"I didn't stop altogether but it was just a dumb hobby"

"But you used to be so good"

"Hey, I'm still Good, I'm just good on a keyboard instead of a piano, no big deal."

"I though you said you were going to be a world famous pianist?"

"Yeah well, we both said a lot of stuff back then. I don't see you practicing to be a world class ballerina either."

Buffy smiled at the memory of the two of them, him practicing a new classical piece and her pirouetting around the dinning table while Joyce hummed along. Those were the days before peer pressure and fashion, before secret affairs and shouting matches and divorce.

As if sensing her line of though, one which he was clearly in no mood to engage, Spike tapped his fingers against the door frame.

"Enough of memory lane Goldilocks, time to get back to the party."

"Don't call me Goldilocks"

"Oh sorry, how about Bottle Blonde?…Brunet in disguise?….No?"

Spike couldn't help but smirk as she stamped her foot in outrage, it was the cutest thing he had seen in a long time. Funnily enough this only seemed to irate her further.

"You listen here buddy, I DO NOT dye my hair!"

"Yeah right, my hair is totally natural too and if you believe that I've got this great bridge I'd love to sell you"

"ARHH!" _some things never change!_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19.

"Let's play a game!"

"Oh Anya, come one! Seriously?"

"Xander Harris, you are supposed to be supportive remember? You're my boyfriend."

"I.…I am?"

"Well Yeah. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, if you want me to be"

"Well only if you want to be?"

Spike rolled his eyes at the scene that was playing out before him. Sometimes Xander was so dense it was painful and Anya, for all her bossy, impulsive banter was just as insecure as he was. It was sweet in that hugs and puppies kind of way but it was also going to take on a life of it's own if someone didn't stop it.

"Alright, enough, we all get it, Anya likes Xander, Xander like Anya, they are dating, can we please move on it's been a bloody month already, I now declare you officially boyfriend and girlfriend and we don't want to hear about it anymore!"

"Gee Spike, just because your not having any luck with women lately there's no reason to go all evil undead on us man."

"Yes Spike, when's the last time you had some really great sex?"

"So is Xander your boyfriend now Anya luv?"

"Nice try Spike, Seriously, when's the last time you at least got a…"

"If that sentence doesn't finish with the words coffee or hair cut I'm throwing you out, you and your _boyfriend_!"

Spike was turning six shades of red, a very unusual colour for him but he still managed to sound menacing as he glared at the clearly unashamed blonde woman on Xanders lap.

"You are touchy lately aren't you?"

"When have I ever talked to you about my sex life? Crazy bint"

It sounded harsh but the effect was lost by the half smirk that refused to fade from his lips. They had all been friend too long to ever really mean any of the insults they hurled around. Plus none of them knew what any of his British slang meant anyway.

"Xan-der! Defend me you idiot!"

"Oh, um, Spike. What's with the British trash talk, assimilate already."

"That's the best you could do Xan, really? Well whelp I guess we could call it a draw but next time bring you're A game ok?"

Buffy leaned over to Willow and stage whispered.

"They know their not making sense right?"

"I think they were accidentally dropped on their heads as babies"

"If you ask me I would have dropped Spike on purpose"

The two girls giggled to themselves as Spike glared at them.

"We can hear you you know."

"Let's play a game!"

"Anya, honey, no one want to play teenage party games. Besides, we all get on really well, we don't need icebreakers."

"Well maybe Buffy would like to get to know us a little better"

"I don't like the look in your eyes Anya"

"Oh relax Spike. If you've got nothing to hide you've got nothing to fear"

"The demonic look of anticipation your sporting begs to differ."

"Oh come on, it might be fun!"

"Fine, what do you suggest? Anya, if you say 'truth or dare' I'm going to scream."

"You Spike Winters spoil all of my fun!"

Seeing her opening Willow jumped in.

"We could play 'spin the bottle'"

"Nice try Red but two thirds of us are happily attached couples"

"Oh, silly me" _couples! I should have thought of that._

"Oh I know we could play 'anywhere but here'"

"Don't really fancy listening to Anya describe a country where all the men are shirtless and Bunnies are unconditionally banned."

"What's wrong with Bunnies? Their all cute and fluffy and…"

Buffy was cut of by a high pitched scream as Anya turned white and began to hit Xander as if he should have known to stop her himself. Buffy cast a puzzled look at the rest of the group. Willow was clearly suppressing a smile and Xander was looking apologetic as he soothed his clearly agitated girlfriend. Spike just shook his head slightly before answering her unspoken question.

"As you can see Anya's not pro bunny. When she was a kid her cousins rabbit bit her, she had to get stitches, it was not good. Didn't help that her cousin used to chase her around the house with he thing after that."

"Oh Anya that terrible, you cousin sounds really mean."

"Yeah well, Harmony can be a bit that way."

"Harms you cousin? She never said anything?"

Oz, who had made his way over to the group by this point sat down next to Willow and held her close.

"So, what are we doing?"

"Trying to come up with a game to play. Wait I know, we could play 'I've never' Do you know how Buffy?"

"Oh yeah I played at Cordies last party. That's the one where someone says something they've never done before and if you've done it you do a shot right?"

"Half way there goldilocks but here we do it without getting smashed. Everyone gets ten point to start. If you've done the thing someone says then you loose a point, first person to loose all their points ends the game and the person with the most points wins."

"Oh, ok then. But why no drinking? What, won't mummy let you drink in the house? I never picked you for the rule following type Spikey."

"Don't call me Spikey and for your big fat information not everyone needs to be catatonic to have fun."

Xander appeared to shift a little uncomfortably and Buffy notices Willow smile at him and Anya squeeze his hand gently. It was almost as if they all knew the answer to a question Buffy apparently was not supposed to have asked. It looked as though Xander was deciding weather or not to let her in on what ever it was. Thankfully it appeared he decided he trusted her. Although she couldn't blame him if he didn't, she hadn't been the nicest person the last few years. _Ok, maybe the last decade but hey, she was trying._

"Listen, it's not like we can't, we just don't, or at least I don't. I don't mind if other people want to, I mean there are beers in the fridge and everything but I just don't do it myself and the others don't want me to feel all left out so we just don't do it all the time. Besides we kind of don't need it because we like hanging out together, we have fun without it."

"Oh, is it a religion thing?"

"No"

"Is it a family thing?"

"Sort of"

"Is it a thing that's none of my business"

"That would be it Summers"

"Shut up Spike"

"Look Buffy it's not a big deal. My old man got drunk on my tenth birthday, decided he liked it and has stayed pretty much that way ever since. With the exception of angry and hung over he basically doesn't know any other way to be and before you ask No, he's not violent, Yes, it does bother me and No I don't want to talk about it thanks all the same. Now, lets get back to making with the merry, that is what we're here for right?"

"Sure thing, so I take it the point is still to make other people loose but picking stuff you know they have to admit to right?"

"That's about the size of it"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Half an hour later Buffy could not believe her eyes or her ears. Here she sat with the geeks and supposed losers of her past and she was the person with the highest score. With six fingers still counting out her points she was tempted to just put one down for whatever the next question was. I mean seriously, even Willow only had four points left. Oh, it was her turn.

"Ok, I've never gone skinny dipping"

No one put any fingers down until Spike coughed loudly and stared at Xander who reluctantly adjusted his score to four. With a look of indignation he took his turn.

"And just for that, I've never stood outside my girlfriend window and sung to her"

Spike and Oz both put down a finger taking their score to three and four respectively, Anya asked Xander why he never did that for her and Willow demanded to know how Spike could have done something so sweet and her not find out about it.

"Enough already it's Anya's turn. Xander, I will deal with you later!"

"Ok, lets see, I've never been a cheer leader"

Buffy lost a point, finally.

"I've never taken my top off in public, childhood doesn't count"

Everyone except Willow of course since it was her question lost a point. Buffy looked around the circle, wait, Spike hadn't put a finger down on the no shirt question. Come to think of it she hadn't seen Spike shirtless since they were kids, not even at swimming carnivals or mowing the lawn or anything. _This is getting weird, why do I even care?_ I don't, _Ok, maybe I do, but just a little._ Now the scores were tied at three a piece and Buffy was still on four. The rest of the group appeared to be eyeing each other off, each determined not to loose. Right, Spikes turn next and he was looking straight at her.

"I've never been to France"

Well, that could have been so much worse! At least they were three all now. Her turn. _You're going down Spike._

"I've never failed an Exam"

That got Xander, Oz and Anya but to Buffys utter disbelief, not Spike. She gave him a quizzical look but he just shrugged. Xander looked directly at Spike with a truly evil gleam in his eye.

"I've never had a crush on.."

Spike cut him off, apparently just in time and gave him his most dangerous glare.

"Xander if you finish that though I swear it will be your bloody last!"

"Fine, but only because you're my best friend and just a little scary. Let's try again kiddies. I've never slow danced with my next door neighbor"

Down went Anya, who countered with

"What? Parker was cute before he became evil scum"

Spike and Buffy just looked a little awkward.

"My turn, I've never broken a bone"

Spike, Xander, Oz and Anya were now all on their last point, Buffy had two and Willow had three point and a cheesy grin on her face because it was her turn next and she knew she was going to win.

"Alright, games over because I've never died my hair blonde"

"Ok what game should we play next?"

"Oh Anya come on!"

"Hey I don't think Buffy has enough dirt on you guys yet"

"Well I think she has plenty!"

Everyone nodded except Xander who shot yet another teasing look at his best friend.

"Yeah but what about Spike? He stopped us asking the really good questions. I wouldn't want you to miss your chance to get closer to your neighbor"

"Thanks mate but I don't mind, really"

"Oh but I insist"

"You would! Sorry blondie but I don't have anything to share. Don't all go looking at me like that, there's nothing worth telling"

Willow couldn't help herself, she knew she shouldn't but Spike was usually so solid, he didn't get embarrassed easily so they had to get their kicks where they could get'em.

"Come on now Spike, just a little tiny bit of info, an interesting fact? I know, what about your favorite movie? You can tell a lot about people by their movie collection you know. Oh look, I see you even took the trouble to remove it from the shelf"

"I don't know what you're talking about Red?"

Spike gave her a look that said he knew exactly what she was talking about and she had better cut it out.

"Come on now Spike, share a little"

"Fine my favorite movie is 'Terminator 2' it's Arnie, but it's good."

"Wait a second, that's not embarrassing, that's not even interesting, why the fuss?"

"That my dear Buffy is because it's a lie."

"Harris. Shut up."

"Spike. Since I won the last game I get to choose what we do next and I want to watch a movie."

"Willow? Come on now Red be serious."

"You know what I want"

"It's not my favorite movie. I'm a movie fanatic, you know that I've go lots of favorites."

"It's definitely in your top ten and I want to see it."

"Willow, stop kidding around now, I mean it Red, cut it out."

"Now what kind of a friend would I be if I let you go around telling big old fibs?"

"A good, sweet, well paid one?"

"What do you think Buffy?"

"I think I want to see this movie!"

"Trator!"

"Spike, be a good boy and go get 'The Lion King', go on."

Buffy tried her very best not to burst into fits of laughter there and then but it was just too funny! Big bad Spike with his bad boy attitude and all black wardrobe loved 'The Lion King'? As if that wasn't enough the look on his face was priceless. She just couldn't help it!

"Are you laughing at me Summers? Just look at what you've done now Red. You're Evil, you know that right?"

"And yet I don't see you going to get it"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Come on, it'll be fun. Just be grateful I don't want you to do the karaoke version!"

Buffys laughter started anew at the look of terror in Spikes eyes.

"I'm still waiting"

"I'm going, I'm going, evil bint"

"I heard that!"

By the time Spike returned Buffy had sufficiently composed herself and came to sit next to him on the sofa as the opening credits rolled. She leaned in closer so as not to disturb the others.

"So, do you really know all the words?"

"I'm not talking to you, watch the movie."

"Go on, tell me. Do you know all the parts or just the lead lion?"

"His name is Simba and for the love of all things sacred will you stop laughing at me. I'm going to kill Willow for this."

"_Heheheheh …..I'm gunna be a mighty king…hehehehehe"_

"Grrrrrrr!"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20.

Spike lay in his usual spot on the living room floor, just far enough away from everyone else so that he wouldn't feel trapped but not far enough to draw attention. Every time they did this it was always the same. The girls would sleep on the couches and strategically joined chairs, Oz and Xander slept on the center rug in sleeping bags and Spike didn't really care where he slept because his chances of actually sleeping were next to none. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable, although the floor was not the best place to make your bed. No the truth of the matter was that since being with Dru he had trouble sleeping anywhere unless he was 100 sure he was alone.

Spike shuddered just thinking about how frightening it was to fall asleep in someone's arms and wake up in your own worst nightmare to find them filled with rage and hatred. It had happen on more than one occasion and even though he knew his friends would never, ever do anything even remotely like that every sound he heard made his stomach jump and sleep remained illusive.

Spike counted to fifty for what must have been the twenty fifth time and then looked at his watch. It was 2am, everyone else was sound asleep and Spike was once again trying to relax enough to get some sleep. He was seriously contemplating going upstairs to his own lockable room when he saw Buffy carefully extracting herself from her position on the couch. Despite his best efforts not to care he couldn't help him self, he had to know why she would still be awake and worse still up and about this time of morning.

He made his way to the hall without stepping on any heads or falling over the piles of discarded clothing. Smiling to himself he turned the corner and made his way to the kitchen, which was still in near darkness since Buffy hadn't bothered to turn on the light. When he reached the kitchen door whatever he had planned to say appeared to abandon him instantly. There she stood, looking out the window and bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight and for just a moment he could have sworn that she was glowing. He stood there silently watching her drink her glass of water and marveled at the fact that she could still look sexy in sweatpants and an oversized tee-shirt. She was mumbling something he couldn't really make out but the tone was defiantly not a good one. Feeling a little guilty for intruding on her private thoughts and worried he was going to get caught watching her Spikes powers of articulation finally caught back up with him.

" Talking to your self's the first sigh of old age you know."

"Damn it Winters! You scared me half to death. What are you even doing up?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Yeah well, I've got a lot on my mind"

"Care to share? A problem shared is a problem halved."

"When did you turn into a fortune cookie?"

"Come again?"

" '_A problem shared is a problem halved'_ Yeah right!"

"Hey, tell me, don't tell me, it makes no difference to me. I just figured that if it's keeping you awake then you clearly have a problem. Talking often helps that's all."

"It's not something you can help me with"

"Try me"

"Fine. Adam asked me out this afternoon, Gun made a pass at me and Jonathan has been waiting all week to try his luck. So smart guy, what do I do? Who should I go out with?"

For the briefest of moments Spike couldn't breath. The voice in his head was screaming _'pick me, go out with me!'_ but he studiously ignored it.

"See Spike, you can't help."

"Hold on now, do you want my advice or not?"

"Fine, oh bleached and enlightened one, do tell"

"Watch your mouth Summers. If you want my opinion you shouldn't go out with anyone. You need time by your self, you've been someone's girlfriend since you were what sixteen? seventeen? Just spend some time being Buffy. Any guy worth his salt will wait till you're ready."

"So how long do you suggest Doctor Spike?"

"Well if you're going to be like that about it!"

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry but do you really expect me to start a no dating policy now?"

"Look, Wait a month. What's one lousy month? If the poncy git's can't wait then good riddance!"

Buffy looked a little surprised at this sage advice. He himself hadn't intended to say it so bluntly but he also knew he wasn't wrong. The little voice told him it didn't hurt that he knew she would be out of commission for a month either but he chose to ignore it. Bugger, she was talking again.

"…Are you even listening to me?"

"Maybe. Why?"

"You're impossible!"

"No, just highly unlikely."

"Don't get cute with me and don't change the subject. Now it's your turn. Why are you still awake?"

"Because I'm not sleeping."

"Well I can see that but why are you not sleeping? What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, I'm just not used to sleeping on the floor, surrounded by so many people."

"About that, What's with Xander and the little walkman and Anya with the ear plugs? Why the little night light thing? and is Oz sucking his thumb?"

"Everyone has their little things. Quirky little habits or eccentricities left over from childhood. It's no big deal everybody has them."

"Everybody?"

"Yes. Even you little miss twirls her hair and probably still sleeps with that stuffed pig."

"You leave Mr. Guardo out of this!"

"I thought as much."

"So what's your thing then?"

"Don't have one." _Technically not a lie since I have more than one. Ha._

"Liar Liar pants on fire!"

"Real mature Summers!"

"Don't change the subject. If everyone has their little hang-ups and cute little habits then what's yours?"

"I already told you I don't have one."

"Fine I'll guess. Oh. I know, the night light's for you because your afraid of the dark?"

"Nope"

"So is the night light Willows thing then?…..Fine, don't answer me. Ok , I know, you talk in your sleep?"

"Yep, that's it, you got me, now go to bed."

"Fine, be that way. I'll just stay awake and watch."

Spike concentrated on glaring at her instead of the seriously creeped-out shiver that ran through him. _Knowing someone is watching me, that's like the very definition of the last thing I need. There's no way I'm going to get to sleep tonight! Damn girl._

By four thirty Buffy was out like a light and playing with her hair in her sleep. Oh how he loved to be right! Pity he couldn't also be well rested.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next morning when Buffy awoke she found, to her intense annoyance, that Spike had not only outlasted her but he had woken up before her and had already left for work. Xander was hogging the down stairs bathroom and Willow had suggested she use the upstairs one. Buffy made her way up a familiar staircase and although she knew full well where the washroom was she couldn't help pausing outside of another room that she once knew so well. When they had been little the door had been a pale cream colour with a large Garfield stencil on it. Now, Garfield had long since moved on and the door was painted jet black. Buffy stood there, transfixed by the giant black barrier and couldn't help but wonder what was hidden behind it. How much had things changed? Was everything black and gothic now? It struck her too that just like the person that belonged to it the door revealed nothing and concealed everything.

Despite the fact that she knew beyond all doubt that the door was shut intentionally her curiosity got the better of her and she reached out…..turned the cool brass door handle…then…NOTHING!

_I don't believe it! He locked the door!_

Buffy raged at him in her mind about not trusting his friends and how insulting it must be for them to know that and then as if he were standing beside her she realized that they couldn't be insulted and neither could she really because no one would know it was locked unless they tried to open it and if they were going around opening it while he wasn't even home then he had a reason not to trust them not to open the door. Really it was quite ingenious. Anyway, maybe he only locked it because she was around.

Time would tell.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

The weeks that followed the sleepover had passed uneventfully for Buffy. Despite her prior protests she wasn't dating anybody and she was finally realizing what Spike had meant about knowing herself before getting to know someone new. She found herself falling comfortably into stride with the daily lives of her new found friends. What's more, she was finally allowing herself to believe that the wonderfully warm and genuine people she was getting to know indeed were her friends and considered her a friend in return.

Things appeared to be going exceedingly well for Willow and Oz, they were, in Buffy's humble opinion anyway, running head long into happily ever after and loving every minuet of it. Dawn and Conner, from what Buffy saw of them, were still happy to spend every spare minuet together and becoming more at ease around each other. Anya and Xander were still in their cycle of fighting, making up then fighting some more but it was clear that their feelings ran deep. It was both amusing and somewhat annoying to watch but mostly it was adorable to see the way their personalities complemented each other.

Buffy sighed and rolled over to examine her bedside clock. It was a Saturday and since her parents had left her home alone while once again taking some long trip to who-knows-where in Europe there was no reason for her to get up early. Buffy found herself wondering about the last of her new friends. Spike Winters was simply a mystery. He was friendly and welcoming but reserved on so many levels. She could clearly see his strength of character and loyalty to his friends, even to her, like that night after Angel, when he had come over to keep her company. At that memory she paused a moment to wonder if he ever allowed people to comfort him? There was always a subtle wariness about him, like a thin protective layer that hid the depth of his true thoughts and feelings. You could see it in his eyes, like a small yet firm 'No Trespassing' sign and it only made her all the more curious.

She kept trying to ignore it but she could never seem to stop wondering what he was thinking or doing, there were so many unanswered questions and something deep within her subconscious knew, despite having no logical reason to do so, that there was an amazing man hidden in those unexplored depths. The problem however remained that those depths were fiercely protected and strictly off limits!

Caught up in her thoughts Buffy moved across to her window and looked out directly into the Winters home. Spikes room, just like the man it belonged to, gave nothing away with it's dark curtains tightly drawn closed. _The boy does like his privacy!_ Not that it mattered, Buffy knew that even with the curtains opened all you could see was the back of his closed Black door. Not that she had been looking. _Yeah right!_

As she turned from the window it occurred to her that she didn't even know where he worked. Maybe he was a part time mechanic or a security guard or something. She was willing to bet that it wouldn't be anything that required a cash register since his look resembled that of the guy robbing the register than the kid in the Wal-Mart t-shirt. Buffy was becoming increasingly aware of a desire to learn as much as she could about Spike and it was clear that it would be she who must pursue this information and gain Spikes trust. At the very least she had to try. So in the spirit of proving her friendship or at least satisfying her curiosity she called Willow to ask where exactly Spike was working this Saturday morning.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Spike walked along the library stacks re-shelving returned texts. This was usually left for one of the freshmen on Monday but he didn't mind. Actually it was one of his favorite parts of the job. Here he was left alone with his thoughts, he didn't have to be or think or project anything in particular and he didn't have to focus on preserving his 'bad ass' image or his devil-may-care attitude. The only down side to having time to think was the fact that his mind kept wondering places he didn't want to go. Places like what Buffy Summers was doing at this moment, what her room looked like now, what book she was secretly reading seeing as she still prescribed to the _'pretty girls don't need to read' _line of thought.

Then he would think about how adorable she had looked that night he had stayed over with her eating ice-cream and watching movies. He would think of how radiant her smile could get although it was unusual to see it at 100 percent glow. He thought about how she always smelled like vanilla and how she was clearly unaware of how much more attractive she had become these last few weeks since she stopped being such a plastic Barbie doll and started being her self. Finally he thought about how this new Buffy Summers was a far greater danger to his heart and the carefully constructed walls that he had built around it.

Added to all of these mixed up thoughts was the annoying reality that he was having increasing trouble keeping his guard up already. He had been happy to be friendly and hospitable when she joined their group, after all their silly childhood spats were all in the past, but at the same time he could feel himself wanting to open up to her or at least the possibility of her. This was dangerous territory because something told him that if he were to let down his defenses he would probably fall willingly into a relationship with her and if that happened he wouldn't be able to hold anything back from her. Besides, he didn't have relationships.

Even now, just newly having become friends, she was able to draw topics up in his mind that he though he had closed out years ago and stir up emotions that were decidedly _William_ and totally unwelcome! No, he couldn't just be physically involved with Buffy, she deserved better than that and so, as always, that meant that there could be nothing between them at all. He would just have to settle for friendship and make sure he kept those boundaries and borders up because if there was one thing life had taught him it was that being vulnerable was not a good place to be!

Just as his internal dialogue was reassuring him he was tough and cool, man of ice, show no weakness, feel no fear, somebody cleared their throat behind him and he jumped a clear foot into the air in surprise completely spoiling the effect.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Buffy figured she wouldn't get anywhere with Willow since the girl could talk about nothing other than her essay which was due Monday and how wonderful the resources were at the Uni library. Instead of getting the information she needed the call only served to remind Buffy that she too had a paper due in just under a week and as such she found herself entering said library, on a Saturday no less, something she had not done once in all her time at UC Sunnydale.

However, to Buffy's great delight and more than slight amusement she found not only the texts she had needed but Spike as well. It wasn't Wal-Mart but it definite wasn't within the_ 'acceptable jobs for a leather clad bad boy' _handbook either. She walked up to him but he appeared to be deep in thought and then he began to nod his head slightly as if agreeing with his though process. For a brief moment she felt guilty for intruding but if she wanted to get to know the man she was going to have to actually talk to him at some point so she cleared her throat and then had to stifle hysterical laughter as he jumped a good foot in fright. _Apparently William is still in there somewhere. _Buffy wasn't quite sure why she was so pleased by that and so decided to ignore the little fluttery feeling her stomach was giving.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Bloody Hell Woman! What are you doing sneaking around like that?"

"Shouldn't you be wearing horn rim glasses and a pocket protector to do that?"

The quip was no less than he expected but unlike a few months ago there was no malice in it, he could see it in her smile, what's more he could see it in her eyes. A man could happily drown in eyes like hers. _Damn it, don't go looking into her eyes you ponce!_

"Oh shut up! If you ever bothered to come in here occasionally you would have known I worked here years ago"

"So, how did you end up working here of all places?"

"Giles offered me a job back when we were in high school and before you say anything Yes I spent a lot of time here during our senior years. How else was I going to graduate if I didn't study?"

The truth was Spike could have spent his finally year of school staring at the ceiling without ever cracking a book and still passed those exams but passing wasn't good enough, he wanted better than that and he wanted to prove to himself that he could outsmart and outperform all of those supposedly superior rich kids. He had gotten equal or better grades than all of his classmates in most subjects but no one knew since the principal, totally disgusted to find that the school rebel had out done his prize students refused to announce Valedictorian that year. Spike didn't really mind, it was written on his transcripts, he knew and his friend knew, what else did he need?

"Ok Spike, when's your lunch break?"

Spike looked a little confused at the shift in topic but didn't need to bother answering as Giles turned the corner just at that moment. The kindly but slightly uncomfortable looking British man considered Buffy carefully before looking meaningfully at Spike and …was that a smirk?

"Well now you must be Buffy Summers. I have heard a lot about you Miss Summers, it is a pleasure to finally put a face to the name and what a pretty face it is too. Why she is even more lovely than you gave her credit for Spike"

Buffy felt a blush stain her cheeks at the older mans complements and giggled a little at the mortified look on Spikes face. It was clear from the teasing look Giles was giving his assistant manager that Giles and Spike were more than just fellow employees.

"Summers, this is Rupert Giles, he used to run the Library before I hunted him down and murdered him in his sleep."

Spike glared at the man menacingly but Giles looked unrepentant however it was Giles turn for a little teasing as Spike added with a mischievous glint.

"He is dating my mother and doing a very poor job of hiding the fact that he is in love with her. Poor old coot can't even string together a definitive sentence when she's in the room can you old man?"

Giles pulled of his glasses and began to clean them vigorously as his face coloured.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about. Miss Summers, if you will excuse me."

"Come on Spike, come have lunch with me?"

"Fine, I'm off at two."


End file.
